Learning Life At Home

A place to rest

2010-06-14T17:11:00.000-07:00

Rest (verb) 1. Cessation of work, exertion, or activity 2. Peace, ease, or refreshment resulting from sleep or the cessation of an activity. 3. Sleep or quiet relaxation.
4. The repose of death: eternal rest. 5. Relief or freedom from disquiet or disturbance. 6. Mental or emotional tranquility. 7. Termination or absence of motion.

With the exception of number 5, we all need rest. I am thankful for a place to find retreat and rest. Thankful that above all else there are times when we can retreat with our family and hide from the world for awhile. While we have internet here and TV neither of them are major focus' to our stay here.

Today was too cold to really be outside. We started a fire, we played a game, did a little bit of school, we rested.

John Lubbock says, “Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under the trees on a summer's day, listening to the murmur of water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time”.

Emily's Interview

2010-05-24T19:09:00.000-07:00

The mind of Emily Butler.

If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?

A: Jamaica, because it's tropical and has lots of fruits.

If you won the lottery what would you buy?

A: I'd give some of it to you, some of it to granny, some of it Lauren and buy a whole lot of webkins.

What is the saddest thing that has ever happened to you?

A: Grandma Butler dying.

What is the happiest thing that has ever happened to you?

A: Going to Dollywood.

If you could change one thing, what would you change?

A: Less buildings and more space for animals.

Who is your hero?

A: Abraham Lincoln because he was brave enough to go into war and free the slaves.

What do you think it was like being a slave?

A: Horrible. I heard some slaves got whipped.

Do you think it's easy to forgive people?

A: Sometimes. If they've done something horrible like stole all your money than I'm not sure I could forgive them.

Do you think God would want you to forgive them?

A; Yes.

What is one characteristic to describe God?

A: Strong.

Do you like being 12?

A: Because at the cabin I can drive.

What's one thing you want the world to know about you?

A: That I'm a Christian.

It's a girl and her name is Charlotte

2010-05-20T09:23:00.000-07:00

So happy for Angie Smith. What an incredible story of God's grace, love and mercy. I hope you will visit her website, Bring the Rain. You can find a direct link on the side of my blog.

The journey she and her husband were asked to walk on is one that no parent should have to experience. Losing a child, not matter how young or how old is an unnatural part of life. In God's plan sometimes I'm afraid but definitely not natural. I can't imagine watching a child of mine die. It would be unbearable and unimaginable.

Please visit her site. Please buy her book, I Will Carry You and most of all- welcome a new life into the world. Charlotte.

10 Lessons Learned Homeschooling

2010-05-18T11:08:00.000-07:00

Our 6th year anniversary for Homeschooling is coming up in August. It has been an adventure in learning not only our ABC's but what works for us as a family. We've made some mistakes along the way and have learned from them. We've also made many right choices and have learned from those too. Here's a list of my top ten lessons from the past 5 years. Can you add to my list?

1. What works for one family does not mean it will work for our family. Every family is unique and every child in that family is unique. This is the beauty of homeschooling. No structured curriculum or one size fits all.
2. In the grand scheme of elementary school the most important thing to learn is HOW to learn not necessarily WHAT. Math will always be math and will always be important-you should learn math and how to read. The rest is butter.
3. Consistency is crucial except when it isn't.
4. All homeschooling families are not created equal.
5. Socialization is not a problem. Well, actually sometimes it is a problem when there's too much of it.
6. Co-ops, learning groups,and other activities should never take the place of core studies at home.
7. There are some things I can not teach well. There is a network that can help without sacrificing our homeschooling goals.
8. May sucks. Christmas Break is essential.
9. Research many products, ask for samples, buy used.
10. The library is our friend.

Weather or not- We're Ready!

2010-05-18T08:33:00.001-07:00

This has been one of the most brutal springs I have ever experienced. Rain, snow, hail, freezing temperature and fog has dominated the spring weather this year. It's frustrating to say the least. A few more weeks until we leave for the cabin. Actually 10 more days but who is counting? Trying to get my entire house cleaned by the time we leave. I love coming home to a clean house after being away. Although it usually doesn't last long once the laundry gets piled up into the laundry room and the kids realize they can spread out.

I have 14 more tutoring sessions, 1 more pre-school day, 3 more days of TCA, a end of the school year party, a field trip, a birthday party, 8 more TKD classes and then we are OUT OF HERE. Weather or not - we're ready!

Feeling restless

2010-05-14T15:24:00.000-07:00

May is such a hard time for me. The end of the school year rush. Getting things done, attending end of the school year activities, planning for summer, advertising for new business and on it goes.

We are all in desperate need of a long vacation. Sadly, my husband does not have vacation with this contract job so he will only be able to come to the cabin on the weekends. It doesn't seem quite fair to leave him here while we go off into the mountains for almost a month. He would never ask us to stay and would be confused if I insisted. The kids love it there so much and it's a great experience for them. He doesn't mind driving back and forth each weekend and will probably be able to work out working 4-10 hour days to work a couple 3 day weekends in there.

I will enjoy the time completely. A break from running kids place to place and a full load of students. Time with just my kids to do nothing. Even cleaning the bathroom seems un-chore like when it's at the cabin.

For now I will trudge through the next two weeks. Anticipating what this summer will bring: bike rides, fishing, hiking, bears, picnics, smores, bears, Lake City, Sand Dunes, Creede, 4th of July, reading on the porch, bears, watching my kids have the time of their lives and anxiously wait for the weekends when Les can join the fun.

Who knows, maybe next summer he'll have two weeks of vacation again and be able to join us?

The Cabin in the Spring

2010-05-06T15:17:00.000-07:00

Almost 18 years ago (or is it 17 this year?) Les and I committed to be husband and wife. Beaver Creek, Colorado May 15th 1992 (or 1993). We spent our honeymoon at the cabin in South Fork, Colorado. I remember specifically overpacking. It was a little ridiculous. In our new red Isuzu we started a journey.

I will have to honestly say that this past year has ranked right up there with being one of the more difficult years. Between unemployment, flooded kitchens, medical bills, surgery and a host of other little beauties that you'll just have to scroll backwards through the blog if you want to know.

We're leaving for the cabin tomorrow. Just Les and I (and the dog). I can't remember the last time it was just the two of us there. We've had kids, company, family or friends every other time we've been. It will be just the two of us- no TV, no internet, not distractions. Just us. Just us and the dog.

This time I will not overpack. One tiny suitcase for me, the dog's food and a backpack for Les. A couple of library books. My tennis shoes and a comfy sweater. That's all. Just me and my life partner reconnecting and remembering why we got married in the first place.

Another dead end... a closed door.

2010-05-03T13:32:00.001-07:00

Well, we heard back from our pediatrician who spoke with the specialist who works with pediatric neurology and sleep issues. She read Emily's reports and said that she is not concerned about the Carbon Dioxide level. She said they were borderline and not a reason to take out tonsils. She wants to see Emily and we've made an appointment for June 8th.

We are canceling the ENT appointment until after we see her. What to make of this.... we are basically in the same place. The doctor we saw that was concerned about her O2 levels specializes in adults and seniors. He did tell us this when we saw him but we did not know this meant he couldn't accurately diagnose her. Our pediatrician said it was past time for a second opinion and if the doctor's at Children's were not cooperating we were going to move ahead with another doctor. Her name is Dr. Litwin and she's in Denver.

I'm sure she'll want to run her own tests, do medication changes and other things but it looks like we are on the road to the VNS. We've done two sleep studies and they've come back normal. The only other thing left is that Emily's seizures are out of control. We've tried every medicine possible to no avail. It will be good to get a second opinion before we go forward though.

Hard to wait a month to see her but at least we know Emily isn't poisoning herself. Sometimes when it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, sounds like a duck, you just have to call it a duck.

My daughter has uncontrolled Epilepsy. There will be no miracle "oops, it's just this or that" solution.

Thanks for your prayers. We still need them.

There is a ghost in my computer

2010-05-01T09:01:00.000-07:00

Love that I've been able to reconnect with old friends through Facebook. Every once in awhile I run across someone who stirs my heart so much it's breath taking. People who are in the recesses of my mind and really matter to my heart. Because of time, because of distance, because of things- relationships have ended.

I'm not sure what to do with this upstirring of emotion.

Homeschool 2009-2010

2010-04-30T15:21:00.000-07:00

This has been a GREAT! school year for us. Lots of our goals accomplished but still many more to be realized. The beauty of homeschool is that those goals can carry over from year to year and aren't grade level specific. Our goals were simple this school year: Learn, Give and Grow. Lauren is off the charts. I'm pretty sure she's on a great academic road for learning and achieving her goals and God's assignment for her life. Next year is even more exciting and she's asking for even more academic challenge. Very exciting.

Jackson is on his way to Kindergarten. I'm so glad we waited to send him. He's so much more ready for learning in a classroom setting than last year. Not sure how long he'll go to Public School before we'll bring him home. In my mind, 3rd grade will be his first year for homeschool but again, the beauty is flexibility. I love that I have choices.

Emily is doing well. Despite all of her challenges she's learning and growing. I'm looking forward to next year and spending some more one on one time with her. We have boundaries determined for us when it comes to school. Those boundaries set by Epilepsy. When she is in seizure mode there is no going forward. Lots of read aloud books. I look forward to those one on one times next year when Jackson will be learning and challenged at TCA.

The next school year is really shaping up for my children. Speech for both the girls, co-op for Emily, College Pathways for Lauren, Kindergarten, writing club, volunteering, the opportunities are endless.

Thought I'd list out our curriculum for next year: More to get it on paper than because I really think you care....

Math U See
History Odyssey- Middle Ages
Excellence in Writing
One Year Adventure Novel-Literature
Science- TCA/Co-op
Art-TCA/Co-op
Barton Spelling
Bible- Kay Arthur

Still undecided about Literature for Emily. Thinking of Son-light for her since they have a ton of read-alouds.

We have definitely decided on Tapestry of Grace for our main curriculum through High School. For Lauren she'll take Math, Science and an elective at College Pathways through High School. It feels good to have direction. To see the benefits and successes of this crazy idea of homeschool actually working.

In the end

2010-04-29T07:42:00.000-07:00

In the end what will my kids remember about me?

I want them to remember I love them most of all.

I want them to remember that I wanted to spend time with them.

That messy rooms and dishes in the sink just meant I would rather do something with lasting memories.

But I also want them to remember that I made them clean it up and help with chores because everyone has a part.

I would hope they would see I chose to stay home with them because I couldn't stand to be away from them and that's why we haven't been to Disney or take European vacations.

In the end I hope they don't think about all the things we didn't purchase for them. I hope they felt comfortable enough to to talk to me about things. Understanding that I am not perfect and that I made mistakes and was a woman looking for answers on how to be a good mom, a good wife.

I hope they see Jesus in me and that I love my Saviour. When they hear old hymns I hope they remember me.

In the end I want there to be nothing left to say. We've said it all. Times up and no regrets.

LIke Sweet Honey....

2010-04-26T18:02:00.000-07:00

Let your speech be full of grace, seasoned as it were with salt, so that you may know how to respond to each person.

Did not live up to that today.

Purge, Purge, Purge.

2010-04-25T17:35:00.000-07:00

Minimize.

Live with less.

Do with Less.

Be satisfied.

Be content.

The opposite of poverty is enough... not excess.

Just when you thought it was safe

2010-04-24T19:16:00.000-07:00

Did you know bratwurst can move back and forth on their own when they are on the grill. They absolutely can- if I had a video of it I'd post it. The bratwurst started rocking back and forth on the grill. Perhaps they had an air pocket in them that kept deflating and expanding because of the heat. I have no idea but they were moving and it was weird (scientific conclusion inserted).

I flipped one of them over and it rolled off of the grill pan onto the fire. Since I'm such a fast thinker under stress (sarcasm inserted) I managed to escape the fire catastrophe, barely. What is absolutely the most ironic part of this whole episode is that I was just espousing the wonders of having a grill pan on my stove.

The whole scene deserved to be on America's Funniest Home Videos.

2010-04-24T09:44:00.000-07:00

The dimensions of my laundry room are so small I wonder if we can still classify it as a room. It's actually not a room but a walk-through from the house to the garage. Not very tidy or efficient. Trying to organize it and arrange it so it fits our laundry needs-not just a place to store stuff. My ultimate goal is to get my laundry room downstairs and have it look something like this:

I'm looking for cabinets this summer at garage sales to put above the washer and dryer instead of a shelf. I think it would be much more attractive. Right now it's horrible. :( I'll take pictures as we go on this journey and if you know of anyone getting rid of cabinets----- I'd love to take them off your hands.

Get This Dressed-up Laundry Room Look | How to Create a Dressed-up Laundry Room | Photos | Laundry Room | Workspaces | This Old House

2010-04-24T09:39:00.000-07:00

Two posts in two days..... Must be chatty

2010-04-16T14:19:00.001-07:00

Actually, not chatty today. Just throwing around an idea and really thinking that I'm on to something. I don't want to divulge anything because, well, it's not fully formed. Sort of like the cupcakes I bake. They tend to be flat in the middle- the cupcakes.

I am spending next two months getting ready for a garage sale. This one is going to be the biggest one I've ever done and I'm going to promise myself not to bring anything back into the house. It's over for a ton of items in my house. I plan on doing a little bit each day so that I'm not completely overwhelmed when the time comes around. Lots of things to sort through and let go. Loved it once and now it's time to go...on to another home or the goodwill.

Well, I have 30 minutes to get to a student's house and my hair is wet and materials not gathered. Need to stop being chatty, continue to bake my idea and get busy.

My 201st Post and Pantry Week

2010-04-15T16:06:00.000-07:00

Can you believe I've had 200 things to say. I'll be the first to admit that most of them are not Pulitzer Prize material. It's still fun to look back though and see my thoughts over the past two plus years.

Seems to be common theme this week. It's PANTRY WEEK. What is Pantry Week you ask? Well, Pantry week is an attempt to be good stewards of the food we've already purchased and an attempt to limit new grocery spending. The food is usually quite creative and sometimes tasty. Tonight I created a new dish (loosely based on Carole's Chicken Spaghetti recipe) and it's baking as we speak.

Pantry Chicken Spaghetti

Chicken
Mushrooms
Cream of Chicken Soup
Cream of Mushroom Soup
Cream of Tomato Soup
Cream Cheese
Velvetta Cheese
Chicken Broth
Garlic Posder
Parsley
Wortchesire Sauce
White Wine

Cook chicken in broth and white wine, add mushrooms, parsley. In another bowl stir together soups and cheeses. A dash of Garlic Powder and Worthcesire Sauce. Mix with cooked spaghetti.... bake in oven. :)!

Not low fat or low in calorie but used up a ton of ingredients that would have gone bad and tastes Yummy. Notice I didn't list measurements.... The idea is to make it like a sauce so use your best judgment and taste along the way! :)!

Tomorrow Night- TACO's....
Saturday Night Roasted Chicken, Asparagus, Mashed Potatoes
Sunday- Pork Chops, baked potatoes, green beans
Monday - Chicken Tenders, Homemade Fries, Corn, Fruit Salad
Tuesday- Pork Chops Grilled, Mashed Potatoes, Green Beans
Wednesday- Spaghetti
Thursday- GROCERY STORE :)!

Lunches will be leftovers or sandwiches. Breakfasts will be cereal until it's gone, waffles, pancakes and eggs.

Wish my family luck. Can't wait to see an empty Refrig and Pantry. It will be fun filling it up again knowing we wasted very little.

My shelf-Finished

2010-03-24T09:38:00.000-07:00

I have an amazing shelf on my wall. I love it. It might be the one thing besides my family members and pictures that I would grab if there was a fire. I decided to lighten things up for spring so this is what I came up with- I'm hoping I can put the pictures in order somehow.....Well, they are in order, just backwards. Usually this shelf has coats, scarves, etc. Since we technically do not need these things now that it's spring- I thought something a little more decorative was in order.

Make new friends

2010-03-22T13:49:00.001-07:00

In Girl Scouts we sang this song that went like this, "Make new friends but keep the old, one is silver and the other gold". At 10 its hard to imagine an old friend. Especially since my dad was in the army and moved every 2 to 3 years. "Old friends" was a relative term that meant a relationship that lasted anywhere from 2 months to 1 year.

Now that I am no longer 10 and encroaching on 40, the term, "old friends" has a new and much more significant meaning. I have amazing friends but there just is something about the old ones that makes my heart sing, my life grounded. You know the ones that can finish your sentences, thinks the same things are funny, the friends that call you by nicknames that none of your current friends know. I have some gold friends and some silver friends. Each bring balance and grace to my life.

And so it goes....

2010-03-09T10:21:00.000-08:00

Can it already be March? Spring is in the frigid Colorado air which means the weather will be schizophrenic for the next 3 months. Yesterday we had blue sky, then rain and then a blizzard leading to blue skies this morning. Spring weather in this state is a roller coaster with no rhyme or reason. The hardest part is that there is no promise of end to this crazy spring weather. We could be blessed with a short spring and long summer but more than likely the weather will continue to baffle and amaze with a high probability of snow on the 4th of July.

Don't get me wrong- we have our fair share of beautiful days here. The perfect compilation of weather, blue skies and temperature scattered in between March and October. In fact, those days are great reminders of the reason we live here. Spring is not the reason.

And if it weren't enough

2010-02-26T08:19:00.001-08:00

It's been almost a week since I've felt articulate enough to write on my blog. I've been absolutely blessed this week with a great week. I feel so much better and more on top of things. Especially the things I need to handle. I have a student coming in a few minutes but I could not let this moment of quiet past without publishing how incredibly blessed I am.

Everything has been very quiet

2010-02-21T16:56:00.001-08:00

Today has been a good day.

It's been easy.

It's been restful.

It's been calm.

It's been beautiful.

It's been full.

It's been family.

Last week and the week before were so hard. It was nice just to chill and be together. The snow is falling pretty steadily today. My wish fulfilled. Still longing for a blizzard of 'city closing' proportion.

2010-02-20T14:12:00.000-08:00

2010-02-19T09:03:00.000-08:00

It's my husband's birthday. He's 48. Sadly, he's sick and feeling under the weather. Emily is going away for the weekend so we're celebrating on Sunday.

It's his day.

I love him and know that he's the best dad in all the world. I couldn't have chosen wiser.

Looking at the bright side of things

2010-02-18T14:50:00.000-08:00

There is something powerful about the sun. I love sunny days. I love the blue sky, the warmth of the sun and white fluffy clouds. Bright rooms filled with natural sunlight make me happy.

Unless, I'm sad then bright rooms make me just feel angry. I have high windows and on bright days the whole house just sings of happiness. It's absolutely frustrating to be in these rooms when you feel sad. I want to paint the windows black and pull the blinds down.

Colorado does not have wide varying weather. Believe it or not it can stay sunny for days on end. Rarely does it stay cloudy for long and I like that- usually. This week the weather calendar shows clouds and snow all week. Right now as I look out my window I see only blue sky with a few clouds. I've been hoping for a cloudy miserable day to fit my mood and have yet to find it. I've thought of changing my mood to match the sunny weather. You know look at the bright side of things and be happy for the sunny weather. Just my luck though I'll change my mood to match the sunny weather and then it will be cloudy and I'll have to change it back again.

Great Giveaway!

2010-02-18T07:26:00.001-08:00

http://thegainesgang4.blogspot.com/

Made it through

2010-02-15T09:27:00.000-08:00

Wow! That was an emotionally exhausting trip. After the major vertigo and panic attack on Tuesday something chemically went wrong. I couldn't stop crying. Very hard place to be since I had to judge 4 rounds of speeches. Thankfully I didn't do any dramatic interps because I think they would have had to peel me off the ground.

Trying not to do too much today and just chill out. Jackson will not leave my side. He is such a momma's boy. I'll take it for now but he better be over it by Kindergarten. It will break my heart to have to take him day after day. He's missing school today so that he can "be with me". I told him one day he can miss but he has to go back on Wednesday.

Lauren is behind in school and trying to catch up. She's been so very stressed and absolutely overwhelmed. She'll need a break here very soon.

So glad I made it through the past weekend. I have a light week ahead and then and easy weekend. Plan on doing as much of nothing as I can.

You spend me right round baby, right round

2010-02-10T09:50:00.000-08:00

I have vertigo. It lasts for mere seconds usually and I actually thought I was cured of it after my hysterectomy. However, I'm not. It's back with a vengeance. Last night it started at 7:00 and came in waves for two solid hours. It took my hours to recuperate. Of course, when you spin out of control like that it makes you nauseated. I will not go into details but let's just say it wasn't fun. Because it's so frightening I ended up having a panic attack of major proportions. My heart beat so hard in my chest I could feel it. That made the panic worse and I started hyperventilating.

All in all it was not fun. To make matters worse, I have to drive to Denver today for 3 days. Feeling very stressed about that and feeling very stressed in general. Pattern developing. Trying to remain calm and collected. My last post I said I needed a band-aid.... I think I might need plaster.

I've come undone....

2010-02-08T13:41:00.000-08:00

It's easy to do these days. I do not like a hectic schedule but sometimes it can not be helped. Things do not slow down for me until February 14th and then they seem to ease up for awhile but until then it's chaos. Today I would like nothing more than to stay in bed all day. Cuddled up under the blankets. Wishing for more snow, reading a book and determined to feel like I'm on vacation. However, Jackson needs to be picked up from school in about 45 minutes and then I have 2 students. By 6:00 tonight I'll be done and ready for bed- yes, it was that kind of weekend. Tomorrow is really not any better. Co-op in the morning until 12:00, rush home for a quick lunch, 2 students, and pack for Denver. Wednesday through Friday Lauren and I will be in Denver at a speech conference. Very excited to spend time with my girl but it makes for very, very long days.

Saturday is a long awaited and needed shopping trip day for the girls. Should be a fun mom and girl day. Hoping to find lots of bargains to fill up their closets and their drawers.

I've come undone and I need a bandaid until I can put myself back together. Thank the Lord for busy schedules. It means my kids are still home. It means that for the time being I have little ones that need me. We will be empty nesters soon enough. For now, I'll find some band-aids and wait for a respite to come.

Letting Emily Go-

2010-02-04T09:18:00.000-08:00

Emily came home from church last week with a flyer about a conference in Denver for girls. Our church girls group is going and she really wanted to go. It's overnight. It's overnight and an hour away. I can hardly breathe for the thought of her going. I tell myself that no matter what I can not prevent her from having a seizure. I can only make sure the people with her will know what to do if she has one. My heart aches and rips and the thought of her being out of my sight for so long. A slumber party in town is one thing but a slumber party in another town is quite another story.

I fear not only that she'll have a seizure but that I can't protect her from other people if she does. People, especially tween girls, can be so mean. I don't want her to have to go through that. Yes. I want to put her in my pocket and carry her around the rest of her life. It would be much easier on me.

Emily is growing up. Epilepsy is not going away. She's going to be an adult with Epilepsy. If I could make it not be true I would make it not be true. Who will remind her to take her medicine?

The whole cell-phone question is now a reality. We are getting a cell phone for the girls to use. She must be able to get a hold of me if she needs to get a hold of me. No questions asked.

My Emily is growing up. I have to deal with that. She does.

The Old Man at Michaels

2010-01-29T06:25:00.000-08:00

First, a confession must be made. I really am not a fan of old people. At least I haven't been in the past. Since my sweet Papo passed away a couple years ago that has changed for me but normally I would do what I could to avoid them. They are slow, go on and on about things and really just take too much time.

The last few weeks of my Papo's life I got to spend quite a bit of time with him. He, sadly, was not completely aware of my presence but the moments he was aware it was a sweet time.

After that, because I think I miss him, I found that old people weren't that much of a bother and probably someone's grandmother or grandfather.

Now to the story of The Old Man at Michaels.

On my way home the other day I decided to run into Michaels to purchase supplies to make my mom's birthday gift. I only had a few minutes because the kids were at home and it was almost time for Jackson's pre-school to start. Lunches needed to be made and he needed to get dressed all before 12:30. I walked over to the scrapbook section and there I saw an old man looking at letter stickers. It looked as if his wife had sent him into the store to buy some letters for her. He looked overwhelmed and confused at the number of stickers available for purchase. I remember thinking, don't go down that aisle or he'll ask you a ton of questions. So I tried to avoid it as much as I could. Finally, after all my shopping was done he was still there in the same spot still looking confused. So as I walked down the aisle I walked past him and said something like, "Lots to choose from". Of course, he immediately started talking to me. He told me of his project to make a sign for the Pikes Peak Grille off of Garden of the Gods. He said, pointing to his black hat, that they helped WWII/Korea Vets with lunches on Tuesdays. His hat showed that he himself was a WWII and Korean Veteran and it was obvious he was proud about that fact.

He proceeded to show me a picture of himself in a uniform and his National WWII Memorial official card. He told me he spoke at TCA's annual Veteran program and that he was helping the General at Ft. Carson with the Korean Memorial on post. He said that the General was from the Phillipines and that in 1945 when he was stationed in the Phillipines he helped rescue a POW camp. The General was born in 1947 in the Phillipines and said that his father was one of the prisoners this old man had rescued. He cried and cried as he told me. He reminded me so much of my Papo I could hardly believe it. He hangs out at Peaks Grille. We're going to go there for sure to find him and see if he is lonely or if he has a family. I can't remember his name because I'm absolutely horrible at that.

It was a blessed moment that I will remember for the rest of my life.

A Footstool

2010-01-24T16:29:00.000-08:00

Not crazy about the new fabric but it was very inexpensive. I will look for prettier fabric this garage sale season. But for now I'm happy. It was good practice. Corners are very hard!
Does anyone know how to post pictures without the text doing that crazy thing?

Rubberbands be gone...and the post where I say finally excessively.

2010-01-23T17:19:00.000-08:00

Woo Hoo! My kitchen cabinet hinges are now fixed after several years. We found the right hinges finally and were finally able to fix the broken ones-finally. It's amazing to have cabinets that will close, FINALLY. La La La....

My Valentine Day Tree.

2010-01-21T09:43:00.000-08:00

This is the tree I keep up year round. I like the lights and it's fun to celebrate the different seasons/holidays. Not much on Valentine Day unless it involves a night away with my love and dinner at a fun chic cafe somewhere. Otherwise, I see it as a complete waste of energy for the many single girls and lonely wives. Worrying whether or not their husband/boyfriend will remember and give flowers. I used to be like that until I realized my husband does nice things for me all year round to show that he loves me- Valentines Day is an excuse to have one more date night that month and for that I'm excited. Of course, if it does involve chocolates, flowers or smoochy cards I will not mind, I just will not be disappointed if it doesn't. Something about 17 years of being married I finally know Les. He's not one to draw attention or be sappy. That's fine with me. I'll take consistent love, favors, and support 365 days a year and not one big flourished display.

But alas, (I said, alas) I will be fine with a tree with hearts on it from Hobby Lobby- can not beat the deal of 10 hearts for 2.75- to celebrate this day. I will smooch him one or two more times on the 14th just for good measure and will be sad for my friends who get their panties in a wad when the flowers do not arrive.

I am amazed at people's generous nature in

2010-01-20T10:37:00.000-08:00

times of urgent need. It seems that people are very visual in recognizing need and emotional in responding. I hate that Hurricane Katrina is categorized as a time of "non-giving" and compassion. So many people gave their time and money to help rebuild New Orleans. Yes, sadly, the government did not respond well and in all practical purposes failed. That's why I'm so completely and utterly confused as to why people want to give more to the government and expect them to somehow save them. They've proven in many different administrations to be completely inept at providing basic services. How can they handle crisis? Or a trillion dollar health care program? I read horror stories of aid being sent over from foreign countries only to rot in boxes because they couldn't be used and distributed by the government. There are so many stories out there of the government's complete and utter incompetency-WHY?

I see such strength and resolve in the human spirit. In the AMERICAN spirit. If people gave like this on a daily basis to faith based organizations there would be no need for the government to step up. The poor could be cared for, the homeless sheltered, the hungry fed and the sick cared for.

Let's be more generous. Let's be more giving. Let's not look to the government to help those around us and those in foreign countries.

This Valentine Day

2010-01-18T16:59:00.000-08:00

This Valentine Day I will think about the greatest love of all.

How deep the Father's love for us,
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss,
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One,
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the Man upon a cross,
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice,
Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I knoww that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom.

I pray this Valentine Day you find the greatest love of all. Jesus

I would like to declare

2010-01-15T19:34:00.000-08:00

that I am officially a nerd.

Let me start with example number one....

About 2 months ago I went to a meeting at my daughter's school. It was dark when I arrived at the school so I decided to park in a lot that was closer to the door but required me to walk up a rocky incline. (See how I say, "rocky incline" so that it sounds more important?) Of course I tripped up the hill. While I was walking up the hill and tripping I also happened to be on the phone with my cousin Rose. I made some type of noise like, whooooaaaaaa, or other weird vowel and consonant combination and disconnected the phone call. Thankfully, my cousin Rose thought well enough of me to call me back...just in case I was dead or something. At this same meeting 2 months later the director announced that they were putting in extra security lighting. She proceeded to look at me and point out that the main reason was because I had tripped up the rocky incline. Thank you so much director for not only pointing that out but revealing that you had seen said travesty. So thanks to me, there will now be extra lighting in the school parking lot.

Example number two...

A little known fact about me is that I love to follow certain unsolved crimes. The latest one that has caught my attention is the Baby Gabriel story. Following up on a lead I emailed someone's blog who might have a possible connection to the story. Like I was seriously going to solve this crime from my computer. It obviously was not a real clue and pretty much a dead end- but hey, I could have solved the crime and would have been a hero. I'm so extremely humiliated. I wish I could take back my email.

Example number three...

Nope. Not going to do it. Not going to share number three. You'll just have to guess.

Sometimes I hate my job.

2010-01-12T15:18:00.000-08:00

If you do not have a child with a reading disability you need to thank the Lord. It's the most frustrating problem I have ever encountered. I help children with reading difficulties. Sometimes the despair and frustration is too much. It's overwhelmingly frustrating to see a child struggle with something that is automatic for so many others. It's like watching someone with one leg trying to walk or someone with no hands trying to open a door. It seems absolutely impossible.

I'll admit there are days that stand out as good days. Days where the reading seems fluid, the ideas seem to come together, and the process of learning to read almost realized. Those are the good days. You can see it on their faces. They feel as if they have conquered a giant and are standing proud. Those days I feel privileged to be apart of the process. Those days are like honey. Days like today where a student can't remember the /u/ sound or forgets what a syllable is or just doesn't even care about reading, those days are like poison.

My heart melts and my brain freezes. I feel like a hurdle instead of a help.

Trying hard and now doing

2010-01-10T09:43:00.001-08:00

Does it not seem that trying hard is a relative oxymoron. As my buddy Yoda would say from Star Wars. Do or do not- there is no try. Perhaps what I meant in my last post is that being a good mom, wife, etc., are important goals for me. I evaluate how well I do on a daily basis.

I fall far from the mark on most days. Will not bore you with the details but let's just say my tongue moves faster than my brain. My children have heard un-motherly sounding tones come from my mouth and I have rolled my eyes at my husband once too many.

Lately, I've been thinking that the reason I get so frustrated is because there is a gap between 'what I feel should have been achieved' and 'what has been achieved'. The hard part is realizing that what I felt should have been achieved is in no way realistic or possible.

Trying hard

2010-01-09T08:47:00.001-08:00

I'm trying hard to stay on schedule. I'm trying hard to stay on budget. I'm trying hard to be a good mom. I'm trying hard to be a good wife.

I'm trying hard not to be negative. I'm trying hard to look at the bright side. I'm trying hard to make good decisions.

I'm trying hard to be organized. I'm trying hard to clean my house properly. I'm trying hard.

Vintage Jewelry

2010-01-07T10:55:00.001-08:00

Anyone have any idea where to get vintage jewelry appraised? I finally went through my Mother-in-law's jewelry box. Here are some pretty cool pieces-

Shh! My life is too noisy

2010-01-07T06:32:00.000-08:00

Would like to grow... just add quiet reflection

2010-01-03T12:40:00.000-08:00

It seems as if God draws me closer to Him through trials. I'd liked to learn how to draw closer to God through quiet reflection and study of His word instead of through trials and tribulation. Do you think that's possible? So many illustrations point to the potter and the work that the potter does. He stretches and shapes the clay with pressure and sometimes has to begin again. Or what about the illustration of iron being sharpened. That in order for the blade to be sharp it has to be heated and shaved. It seems as if there is no easy way to grow. Only through difficult growth can we move forward.

Except, there are people I know who seem to not face any trials. They seem to be growing. They seem to be closer to God than the last time we talked. How is that? I want some of that. Some of that quiet reflection that brings me closer to being like Jesus. I'd prefer not to experience pain though. At least for a year. Let's have this be a pain-free year but still lots of spiritual growth. Do you think that's possible?

2010 January 1st

2010-01-01T15:49:00.000-08:00

Well, here we go. The beginning of not only a new year but a new decade. What will this decade bring? At the beginning of this decade we did not have Jackson. We did not have our dog. We didn't even live in this house. We had different cars and went to a different church. We didn't have a teenager in the house.

This blog was non-existent. In fact, I think our email account was relatively new, maybe 2 or 3 years? I had 3 more grandparents than I do now.

I worked full-time and now I stay home with our kids working whenever I want. I didn't have a Master's degree and you could take liquids on an airplane.

I wonder what this new decade will hold. Any ideas? The year will 2020. Lauren will be 23, Emily will be 21 and Jackson will be 15. It's totally possible by the end of this decade we will be grandparents. Mind boggling.

Happy New Year

2009-12-31T14:18:00.000-08:00

Tonight we celebrate God's blessings and provision from 2009. Hard to believe this year and all that it has entailed. I wish I could bullet all blessings from beginning to end but I do not have the strength. If you are that curious about my year you can go back and read in the archives.

Let me just say that at the beginning of this year we could not even guess that we would be unemployed for 6 months. Especially since Les had just started a new job the September before. With fear and trepidation I look at this upcoming year but only when I forget that despite the economic setback we endured --God's blessings saw us through. His amazing blessings. The details of the timing of the unemployment right down to the time of the reemployment were exactly perfect. The fact that Les' boss called him back to work for 25/30 hours a week kept us afloat. The whole COBRA allowance helped tremendously and allowed us to keep our insurance and not lose our house.

January 4th starts a new job for Les. I have 3 new students and because of that my schedule is full. I have no empty spaces and even a waiting list. Economically we'll be able to move forward. To catch up and be better stewards. I want to remember all that God has provided for us in this last year. Like standing stones I want people to see God's hand in our lives. That even on the crummiest of days we made it. God provided a way. He parted the river and we are standing again on solid ground.

God bless your 2010. I pray that it is a year of blessings and just enough trials to bring you closer to Him.

Before and After-After Pictures on top!

2009-12-31T11:30:00.001-08:00

Working out

2009-12-31T09:56:00.000-08:00

Okay, so today is my Wii Workout day. I'm happy for it. Absolutely happy for it. I will say that over and over and over and over. Why can't I just be healthy. Isn't health in the constitution? Life, Liberty and Pursuit of Happiness..... Guess not. It seems though, however, that it should be a given. Like air. Health should be like air. A given.

I'm almost done with the Family Room. In the midst of finishing the family room I have shopped the house and now I have empty bedroom walls and an empty hall way. Thats okay though because it gives me an excuse to finish some other projects. Can't wait to post the true before and the final after pictures.

Almost there.... but not quite

2009-12-30T15:08:00.001-08:00

The bottom two pictures are the after... in case you are wondering. Found that bird cage on the mantle for $2.00 at the Goodwill and love it. Still working....

A look at New Year's Resolutions-

2009-12-30T12:23:00.000-08:00

Actually I think I will steal an idea from Nester

2009-12-30T07:35:00.000-08:00

I have a fabulous old door in my garage that I've been wanting to use in the house. I think I will put that door behind the big comfy chair and call it a day. Once that gets up there with the panel I think I'll be set. Aren't you glad I took the time to spell this all out for you?

Before After- After not quite completed

2009-12-29T19:11:00.000-08:00

Well, I moved the cabinet to the other side of the room. I think I like it better but am seriously thinking about doing a plate display on the wall above the comfy chair. I like the flag turned the long way but need to get creative on the mantle. Trying to use what I have in a new way. I have a ton of things in the basement I can use it's just a mater of getting down there to pick things out. Still have an issue with the cord.... any ideas? I also have a great panel I plan on using behind the big comfy chair. Might be time to get rid of the quilt and do something completely different. Really, I just need the Nester to come over for tea and take over. Still struggling with above the the kitchen cabinets and probably always will until I just throw up some foliage to fill in the spaces and gaps. Feels so good to concentrate on home things again.

I broke my toe.

2009-12-29T14:35:00.000-08:00

Do I need to say anymore? I'm trying to finish well and in the process dropped a brass tray on my toe, edge side down and from about waist high. Silly actually but now I'm trying to figure out how to function and finish rearranging furniture and knick knacks. In the meantime I moved the black cabinet over to the other side of the room. While it looks better I still need to add the curtain and get a new lamp shade. Something fun and fabulous. I'll post pictures later. Pictures of the room not my toe.

You know those moments when life truths

2009-12-29T09:13:00.000-08:00

When life truths hit you in the head like a ton of bricks. I mean, they are usually moments not intended to hit you upside the head but do anyway. You know when your five year old says you look like Santa... ok, I get it! A few less sweets and few more hours on the treadmill.

I had one of those todays. One of those, "that pretty much sums up my life" moments. I posted on my facebook account that I was going to start a 2010 project today. Nothing wrong with that. In my mind I'm getting a head start on the new year. However, a friend posted back that it was actually the last of the 2009 projects since today is 12/29. Ouch a little because this is really the story of my life. I never finish well I always start well, but never finish well. I do great with the first 20 chapters of a book and then- well, skimming is faster and I can get to the end and move on to another book that I can read the first 20 chapters. Or another example, cleaning the house. I have to start at a different place each time. Not because it's more exciting that way or because it breaks up the monotony of cleaning but because if I didn't, certain sections would never get cleaned. I do not finish well.

So, this year, the year of 2009, I will finish well. I will complete at least two projects that I've been meaning to do all year and had just transferred to the next year.

So if you get any of those unintended moments in the next few days-let me know so I'm not all alone.

Finishing well in 2009!

Now I literally can not sleep

2009-12-28T07:27:00.000-08:00

Isn't it funny how you just live with a problem and then decide to change it and then you can't wait to change it? I'm literally wringing my hands to move the cabinet now. Sadly, I will have to wait until Friday because Les is working and on top of that he has a cold. The last thing he wants to do is help me move my TV cabinet. This is why I need a brother/dad/uncle in town that can help me move things when I need them moved.

It totally makes sense to move it over there and I don't know why I didn't see it before. I think I limited my choice by how long my wire stretched from the wall to the back of the TV. Silly me.

I moved my bedroom around last week and really like the new layout. I'd prefer about 5 more feet to work with but this will work. Moving the bed gives us so much more room in here. I have a small sitting area for writing an reading which is absolutely fabulous for me.

Well, off to put away china and get the house back in order before the new year. Hoping 2010 is our year.

My big blank wall

2009-12-27T16:04:00.000-08:00

For years I've wondered what to do with this gigantic wall in my Family Room. I like how the front of the room looks but the far side from the kitchen and the "wall" leading upstairs is just hard to decorate. For lack of a better idea and/or inspiration I've just put up a quilt on the wall. Now the quilt is too far over because of where we put the TV Cabinet. I'm just out of ideas. Anyone have a suggestion?

I could move the TV cabinet over to the corner where the stairs are and switch the chair location. The only issue would be figuring out how to make the cable wire longer. That might balance out the room more since that window behind the cabinet is so high. Still wouldn't know what to do with the cord. If I did that I could add another chair next to the cabinet.

Note: I took this picture while my boys were playing Wii. They asked me what I was doing and I told them I wanted to remember this moment for the rest of my life. My son said, "you mean me beating dad at Wii?"

Edited: I am going to do that. Move the TV cabinet over by the stairs. Then I'll get that window back and I can put up a lovely mistreatment. I have this fantastic panel that I've been wanting to use. It would totally pull the front room and the family room together. Now to convince my husband to help me move it, move the treadmill downstairs from the loft and carry all the Christmas decorations back down to the basement.

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-24T14:54:00.000-08:00

Come they told me, pa rum pum pum pum
A new born King to see, pa rum pum pum pum
Our finest gifts we bring, pa rum pum pum pum
To lay before the King, pa rum pum pum pum,
rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum,

So to honor Him, pa rum pum pum pum,
When we come.

Little Baby, pa rum pum pum pum
I am a poor boy too, pa rum pum pum pum
I have no gift to bring, pa rum pum pum pum
That's fit to give the King, pa rum pum pum pum,
rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum,

Shall I play for you, pa rum pum pum pum,
On my drum?

Mary nodded, pa rum pum pum pum
The ox and lamb kept time, pa rum pum pum pum
I played my drum for Him, pa rum pum pum pum
I played my best for Him, pa rum pum pum pum,
rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum,

Then He smiled at me, pa rum pum pum pum
Me and my drum.

Lucy in the Sky

2009-12-23T15:46:00.000-08:00

This is not my writing. I give credit to a fellow blogger named: http://uptothemoon.blogspot.com.

"Picture yourself in a boat on a river, with tangerine trees and marmalade skies..."

Do you know the story behind the Beatles song, Lucy in the sky with diamonds? In 1966, Lucy O'Donnell Vodden made a friend in preschool. That friend was Julian Lennon, John Lennon's son. 4 year old Julian came home from school one day with a drawing he had made of a girl with diamond-shaped eyes. He showed it to his dad, and when asked about it, Julian said it was "Lucy in the sky with diamonds."

"Cellophane flowers of yellow and green, towering over your head."

The song is widely regarded as a psychedelic masterpiece, replete with haunting images of "newspaper taxis" and a "girl with kaleidoscope eyes." But listen to the lyrics now, with this story in mind, and you can see the world through the eyes of child.

"Follow her down to a bridge by a fountain, where rocking horse people eat marshmallow pies."

Last week, Lucy died after a long battle with lupus. She was 46. Julian and Lucy lost touch after he left the school following his parents' divorce, but they were reunited in recent years when Julian tried to help Lucy cope with her disease. He sent her flowers, and upon learning of her love of gardening, sent gift cards for use at a gardening center near her home in southeast England. He also sent her frequent text messages in an effort to bolster her spirits. Julian said he wanted to do something to put a smile on her face. I'm not sure if he accomplished that, but I admire him for taking the time to try. Sometimes it's the little things. Just like the little picture that Julian brought home from school one day.

"Newspaper taxis appear on the shore, waiting to take you away. Climb in the back with your head in the clouds and your gone..."

The countdown to Christmas....

2009-12-22T14:44:00.000-08:00

I'm absolutely ready for Christmas. Besides having a few gifts to wrap and cleaning the house up, we're ready. We are supposed to get a ton of snow tonight. I hope that's the case. I hope it snows and snows and snows.

My dog

2009-12-20T12:57:00.000-08:00

It appears my dog has separation anxiety in a very bad way. Poor dog scratched through the fence in the backyard. This is not the first time he's done it. This time though it was harder for him to do it and it left blood on the boards. I think it is from his paw but I can't exactly tell. His nose is scratched up too. All of this has me worried. Not just because he broke through the fence again and hurt himself but because the last few months his behavior has really changed. He's become much more territorial and aggressive when someone walks past our house. Heaven to Betsy if you come to my house while I'm not here and just the kids he will bark like he's going to tear you up. My dog is also going blind. I think that may have something to do with all this dramatic change in behavior. I would say the last six months he's been getting progressively worse. He seems to be fine when I'm with him, but as soon as I leave, it gets bad.

For now, we'll crate him and see how that works. I'm going to crate him while I'm home and when I leave with a chew toy to keep him happy. Honestly and seriously, I am afraid that he's just getting older and these are all the signs of an aging dog. His vet appointment is in January for his shots and check-up. We don't know what we'll do if this dog is ready to move on. He's been such a good dog but he's just getting old.

When we don't believe

2009-12-18T14:42:00.000-08:00

This is the first year Emily doesn't believe in Santa. I told her there wasn't one. I was a little worried that she still did believe in Santa because Lauren hasn't believed in probably 3 years. I feel bad in a way. I mean, the magic and the wonder of Santa is something I love. That's why I keep my Santa's up all year. It reminds me to be charitable, thoughtful and giving all year long.

The wonder of Santa is gone for Emily. She said to me that she wished she could believe one more year. Poor girl. Maybe I should have let her believe one more year. Or at least waiting until after Christmas this year to tell her.

However, I just read an article about a mall Santa and a little girl that sat on his lap and asked if his dad could become an Elf. The Santa asked why and she said, "because my dad has been out of work". The mom started to cry as the Santa asked the little girl if he was good with a hammer. This year has been tough on us but thanks to friends and family we've been able to keep our heads above water. While it's not as big a Christmas as usual the kids still have presents under the tree. The stockings will still have presents in them and we'll have a nice Christmas dinner. God has blessed us and I wish I could be more grateful, more giving, more generous like Santa. Because when we don't believe we forget that the greatest gift of all was a tiny baby. A Savior for mankind. All but for grace are there presents under the tree and all but for grace I am saved.

This morning

2009-12-18T10:35:00.000-08:00

This morning Emily worked on school while Lauren is at a friend's house babysitting. Jackson is playing quietly and trying not to interrupt his sister. I'm listening to Celtic Christmas music and cleaning the house. I have quite a bit left to do yet today but wanted just to sit down for a minute. This afternoon I'm off to buy stocking stuffers for the kids and Les' Christmas present. Wish I could give him the moon this year. It's been a hard year for him.

I wrapped some Christmas presents this morning and realized I'm just not good at that. Les does a fantastic job and Lauren is taking after him. She's very precise. I'm so excited about her Christmas gifts this year. Absolutely excited for Emily's present and I think Jackson is going to go bonkers. We didn't buy much but we were careful to get the kids exactly what they wanted most of all. I'm going to relish this time with the kids these last two weeks because it's going to be nuts starting in January.

Are you praying for a White Christmas? I'd be absolutely over it for a White Christmas.

If you are the perfect wife and mother stop reading this

2009-12-17T18:18:00.000-08:00

Seriously, stop reading.

My new stove arrived today. It's beautiful. I said a loving goodbye to my old stove thinking of all the memories. Including the one where the mouse ran up it and out of the top- okay, not so lovely memory. Sadly and oddly I cleaned my old stove before they carted it away. I mean, scrubbed the thing. Like it would really make a difference to the people who are recycling it or whatever it is that they are going to do with it.

My new stove is perfect in every way. It even has a Sabbath setting. Since I am not Jewish or even a Messianic Jew I have absolutely no idea why that's needed. I can vaguely guess that you aren't supposed to work on the Sabbath including cooking but not sure how the setting on my stove helps with that. In any case, I'm impressed. If it would do the dishes too I would be in heaven.

I decided about 4:30 today that I should probably take a shower. Today was one of those days. I think I loaded the dishwasher and turned it on twice today. Once it wasn't even full. Not even close but I didn't want to wait for more dishes to get a full load because the dishes in the sink were from the night before. I also re-washed the same load of clothes twice today. I am bad for the environment and truly don't feel guilty about it one bit.

When I walked into my room today I could hardly believe my eyes. Somewhere in the midst of the day I threw a load of clothes on the bed with every intention of folding them and putting them away. They are still on the unmade bed. At the entrance to my room I have a big carton of Christmas decorations that never quite got put up and since it's the 17th I'm thinking I may not get to it. I'm not even sure how my room gets so messy. Perhaps a flash from my childhood? I don't know but I hate it and wish I could keep it clean. It ends up being the dumping ground for all things without a home.

I also realized that my "lounge" pants feel more comfortable than my jeans. Oops. Guess I better work on that before my "lounge" pants are the only pants that fit.

It's 7:30 and I'm planning on sending the kids to bed early tonight because I need a break. I big break. I'm ready for the Christmas break for the girls from school. A break from worrying about the school we are not quite getting to each day.

I am having one of those days where I wonder how do people do this right? I can't even seem to keep up with the dishes or the laundry and if you stood on a chair and looked at the top of my cabinets you would be flabbergasted.

What I want for Christmas

2009-12-16T18:34:00.000-08:00

This year I have a very short list. I think because we have been through so much this year I would really like nothing better than to just stay in my pajamas all day and not worry about anything. That would be a present in and of itself.

WOW!

2009-12-15T16:11:00.001-08:00

Insurance is expensive when you are a contract worker and not a full-time employee. Not sure how we're going to make this work. Guess we'll figure it out really quickly!

Thank you Lord for a job! Now if we could just have a full-time job with a company that picks up part of the benefits........ please?

A big sigh

2009-12-11T20:17:00.000-08:00

Colorado has mild winters. We might have a day or two of snowy weather, gray clouds, cold weather but we are hardly ever just socked in with gray clouds. After every storm, no matter how long or brief, something amazing happens. If you've never been to this state it will be hard to fully understand what I'm about to try and articulate. After a storm, especially a snow storm, the clouds part and the most amazing blue sky appears. It's absolutely breathtaking to see the snow on the ground contrasted with the blue sky. The air is crisp and clean.

I wish I could capture the blue in a picture or a painting but it's just not possible. Perhaps it's because all the senses are engaged not just the eyes. The blue is not just a color it is something you feel in your bones.

The blue is like a big sigh from the sky. It's as if it worked really hard to get rid of the storm and now it's just resting just peaceful. A big sigh.

I feel that today. I feel the peace and rest that only a big sigh can bring. Les has a job that starts January 4th. It's such a relief. Just when things were getting really bad they start to get better. The storm clouds have rolled back and there is an amazing indescribable blue.

I lie

2009-12-08T18:35:00.001-08:00

Okay, so I've missed some great pictures this month and have not posted any since December 2nd. Before you agree with me that I'm a "liar, liar, pants on fire" blogger understand that I lost the card for my camera. I have no idea where it I put it. I'm just sick over it because I have to buy a new one and I don't think they are cheap. With Christmas coming up and everything.

I do have to tell you a little bit about some of the things that have happened the last few days. I took Jackson to a science experiment day at the teacher store. He learned about temperature. If you ask him what he learned he will tell you that hot air rises and cold air sinks. It's very cute and I'm proud of him for picking that up at least. We also had an opportunity to see a service dog in action and it thrilled Lauren to no end. The opportunity was perfect for writing her speech on The Way Dogs help People. She learned a ton from the owner of the dog. Emily is entering a gingerbread house contest. She's going to bake and decorate a gingerbread house. She's actually doing a country store with peppermint stick post in the front and a vegetable bin with carrots and potatoes. I'm hoping we can get it to stand up!

I would post pictures but.....

December 2nd

2009-12-02T07:58:00.001-08:00

December 1st

2009-12-01T16:56:00.000-08:00

For the month of December I'm going to try and chronicle our life through pictures. You know just the everyday pictures that seem to not get taken and surely never posted.

Day One- Evening (Note: One picture got posted twice and I don't know how to fix it.

Today my mood is overwhelmed

2009-11-30T14:59:00.000-08:00

I feel overwhelmed and I'm not sure which side is up. Emily took another 3 hour nap today. Obviously not medicine related this constant daytime sleepiness. She hasn't had a seizure in 3 days which we are thankful. Not to be the big "butter" on this blog... BUT she still slept for 3 hours. She is much more alert when she is awake but she is NOT awake very often.

It's just a never ending cycle of crap ola.... Dr. W isn't sure which way to go, Children's doesn't think we are important enough, our pediatrician is in the middle. We have two issues- daytime sleepiness and breakthrough seizures. The daytime sleepiness has gotten exceedingly worse as the year has progresses. Time to solve this. Time to move on to the solution and not just provide band-aids.

Check out Sea of Shoes!

2009-11-29T20:41:00.001-08:00

The Crillon Ball is over and Jane has posted pictures. The most alarming news so far is that she had to give Chanel back her dress. Emily is very curious as to why she would wear shoes that hurt her feet and Lauren wants to know if her escort spoke English.

Cinderella ball, beautiful gowns, lovely traditions and Paris. Have I mentioned that Paris is on my list of places to take the girls?

Off to Paris in my dreams.

The imag

Christmas Tree! O Christmas Tree

2009-11-29T07:21:00.000-08:00

I love decorating for Christmas. Pulling out the ornaments from over the years. Each with an initial or year on them and a special memory attached. Like a ballerina for Em or a gymnast for Lauren. A soccer ball for Jackson. Of course, the handmade ones are my favorite. My goal is to have a boxful of ornaments for each of my children when they leave the house to start their own Christmas trees. A head start if you will. I have one more tree to go but will wait until later in the month to put the tree up. It's a scripture tree with Christmas themed verses on ornaments. I also have a collection of angels and old style church buildings that I put on that tree. I love it. This year I also did a red and white themed little tree, my country tree and of course the family tree that has not only Santa's on it but the family ornaments. Time to get a new tree so that one tree is family ornaments and one tree is just a Santa tree.

Will try to post pictures today of Thanksgiving and then the new trees.

4/6

2009-11-28T14:13:00.001-08:00

Emily had a seizure four out of six days this past week. Crummy. She did get a break for Thanksgiving and today is turning out to be a good one. We will be thankful that 2/6 of last week she did not have a seizure.

Posting Thanksgiving pictures soon-

And then there were none

2009-11-24T18:17:00.001-08:00

Emily's seizure yesterday left us all disjointed. Emily slept almost the entire day. She had to go get blood drawn for the doctor's so about 3:00 this afternoon I dragged her to the labs, in her pajamas, hair uncombed, with snow boots on her feet. I should have taken a picture. Still quite dizzy I had to hold her up while she walked. We got a few stares needless to say. About 6:00 this evening Emily is finally back to normal. Still a little of center but it's manageable.

The doctor's at children want us to call the next time and every time she has a seizure. They will determine when she goes back in to the hospital based on the frequency of the seizure activity. Hoping, beyond hope, to catch a seizure on the EEG. This information will prove to be the silver bullet in helping us figure out exactly how to treat her. The seizures are so elusive, the medicine so ineffective, that the Dr said we were stuck between a rock and a hard place. Poor Emily. It's a never ending battle, I just hope that we always have one more thing to try. I do not want to ever hear that we have no options left to find answers or to make her life better.

Living Waters

2009-11-24T06:00:00.000-08:00

"The glorious Lord will be unto us a place of broad rivers and streams."

10 minutes

2009-11-23T17:05:00.000-08:00

after typing the previous post I heard Emily call for me. She had a seizure. A pretty big one. She's still trying to recover. Still very dizzy, lethargic, double vision, nauseated, the works. I'm sure she'll fall asleep soon. Of course, she's going to have to sleep with me until we get this figured out. I will not be able to leave her alone, even for a minute.

Waiting for the doctor to call me back. Epilepsy is like a snake in the grass. It hits you when you least expect it. Although, I feel like we've been building up to this one in a way. Still very sleepy during the day. It seems as if we take 2 steps forward and 3 steps backwards.

Down to 250 and still sleeping

2009-11-23T10:11:00.000-08:00

Well, weaning off of Keppra is proving to be- not useful. She is down to 250 which would make you think she wouldn't sleep as much as she did on 1500mg. Wrong. Still very sleepy. Went to sleep around 10:00 this morning. I'm not sure what I'm going to do now. Keep weaning off of the Keppra down to zero and then watch. I have a feeling the sleep specialist is in our very near future. Was hoping to hear back from the doctor about the next steps but it looks like I need to call him myself.

Never ending story with her. Wishing.... Wishing I could make this all go away. I don't want our next step to be VNS.

The Crillon Ball

2009-11-22T17:50:00.001-08:00

The Crillon Ball is this weekend in Paris. Why do I care? I follow Jane's blog and she is an invited guest. She's amazingly talented when it comes to fashion. I don't think she's even 18 years old yet and she has a shoe line. Her mom sells vintage clothing and jewelry in Dallas. They are both beautiful.

My life is not exciting like their lives. I don't fly to Paris, New York and London. I do not get invited to fashion shows in New York and honestly, have never worn heels in my life. But something about shoes and high fashion designers is intriguing. It's a break from the grocery shopping I do weekly and the monthly Target shopping experience.

So Jane and her family are going to the Crillon Ball in Paris and I will be cooking a Thanksgiving feast for 10 people. I may go to the Black Friday sales and if we're really lucky might take the family to a movie.

Paris in November. Paris in March. Paris in July. Perhaps one day we'll make it there.

Tis the season....

2009-11-20T05:55:00.000-08:00

I love Thanksgiving and Christmas. Not hard to do because the season is so great. Honestly though, this is the hardest time of year for me. I mourn that my parents are divorced, I mourn that my dad is in another state, I mourn that picture of a Norman Rockwell Christmas. I wish it could be different. So, I try to make that Norman Rockwell picture for my family and fail miserably. Part of that picture to me is the perfect meal, perfect table setting and perfect centerpiece. Thus, my complete and utter neurotic behavior during the season. Also, spending habits during this time of year- not so good. All to ease that hole created during this season.

Part of that picture is a generational presence that is no longer an option. My grandmother is in another state. My other grandparents have passed away. Les's mom and dad have passed away.

Since I can't control things about Thanksgiving and Christmas I tend to get a little sad. Depressed is more like it Then I feel guilty because I'm not focusing on the real meaning of Christmas. The real meaning of Christmas will forever be associated with family. Which for me is forever broken.

My, my, my....

2009-11-15T19:42:00.000-08:00

a little attitude issue, no? Well, in the words of Will Smith in my most favorite movie of all time, "I could have been at a BBQ".

:)!

What I know for sure

2009-11-14T13:01:00.000-08:00

We were completely shocked by the lay off. It wasn't as if we didn't suspect something could happen. It's just that we weren't really believing it could happen to us. We've been blessed by people's generous nature. God provides for His people through his people. I'm amazed at all the details in our lives that are falling into place. Even the tiny, tiny details.

Epilepsy is a nightmare

2009-11-12T17:39:00.000-08:00

Emily has been struggling since she was four. Struggling to learn and struggling to be a normal child with a normal life and normal worries. Her seizure activity has been up and we're struggling to find an answer. The medicine is not working and the side effects are not acceptable. Right now we are waiting for the dotor to call back. Very curious as to what our next steps will be for her.

Sometimes I hope beyond hope that this unemployment thing will lead to a move to another state, to another doctor, to another source of information and help. Texas would be a great choice as far as Epilepsy or even California. We are willing to do and go anywhere. Whatever it takes to find an answer.

My poor girl is suffering and there isn't anything I can do to help her.

Staying in the middle of it

2009-11-08T09:15:00.000-08:00

"Jesus asked His disciples to do something that clearly was impossible. There were five thousand men, along with their families, and they were famished. There were only five loaves of bread and two small fish -- obviously not enough to feed a multitude. The cost of food for even a portion of the crowd would have far exceeded the disciples' small budget. It may have seemed absurd to the disciples that Jesus should ask them to distribute the paltry amount of food to the massive crowd. Yet that is exactly what Jesus asked them to do. Because Jesus had given the command, the disciples obeyed and witnessed an incredible miracle.
Christ will lead you into many situations that will seem impossible, but don't try to avoid them. Stay in the middle of them, for that is where you will experience God. The key difference between what appears to be impossible to us and what is actually possible is a word from our Master! Faith accepts His divine command and steps out in a direction that only God can complete. If you only attempt things that you know are possible with the visible resources you possess, those around you will not see God at work. You will be the one who receives the credit for a job well done, but God will have no part in it.
Take inventory of your life and the decisions you are presently facing. Have you received a word from the Master that awaits your next step of faith? If you will proceed with what He has told you, no matter how incredible it might seem, you will experience the joy of seeing your Lord perform a miracle, and so will those around you."

Health Care Bill

2009-11-08T07:10:00.000-08:00

I heard it passed last night. The Democratic Senators and Obama gave a news conference. Put on your seat belts America. I hope that this bill does what they "advertise" it will do and not all the "fine print" items that are actually in the bill. Time will tell.

My favorite (sarcastic) line from Obama is, "Congratulations to the Senators who (made the decision, voted for the bill) despite the fear of not being reelected next term". Isn't voting how we as the American people tell those in government that we are or are not approving of their decisions in DC? If the Senators voted with the knowledge that their constituents were not going to be happy with them.... are they really doing their jobs?

Does God care what goes on in the USA? Does he care about NHC. I think not. I think that what he cares about has aways been the same. I think Christians see this as the eroding away of our democratic republic which could lead to an eroding away of our freedom to worship. Like the eroding away that December 25 is Christmas..... Not a hoiday. It's Christmas.

"If you were of the world, the world would love its own. Yet because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you." (John 15:19)

Time for my blog

2009-11-05T08:05:00.000-08:00

Today the carpet people are here trying to relay the carpet correctly. The "flood of 09" made the carpet wavy and pull back from the baseboards. So, I'm sitting on the couch waiting for the work to be finished. Emily is taking a nap. Jackson is watching some cartoons in my room. I have a few minutes to update, no, record the happenings of the last few days.

Les is back at his old job. Don't get too excited. Just for about 25 hours a week and it's temporary. It could end this Friday. It's all up in the air but that provides another opportunity for us to trust God and lay his worries at his feet. He is big enough, faithful enough and willing enough to handle it. In the meantime, Les has had a few phone calls from other companies regarding possible job opportunities. One of those jobs is at Lockheed Martin. While these positions are in Denver it's possible for us to stay here in this house and let Les commute. While commuting would be so hard on him it would be doable for a few months.

If the contract job turned permanent we would have to move. Denver isn't a bad place. More expensive than here but still we would be able to take our time selling our home, etc.

The next few weeks will prove to be interesting. Would like for this chapter in our life to be over. Really want this chapter in our life to be over...

You have got to be kidding me.....

2009-11-03T11:00:00.000-08:00

Sometimes a question is answered with a "wait and see". I know that and have experienced that on numerous occasions. Les got a call from his previous employer asking him to work a part-time, temporary schedule doing what he was doing before. Here's the "clincher"..... for much less an hour. Seriously? Same job.... This man, while visionary and entrepreneurish, is not a good business man. He just doesn't make good decisions and it cost his company financially. So now we are in a wait and see if you have a job mode- everyday. Hopefully, this is what is going to tie us over until a full time job comes open.

I love though how God answers prayers. While I would have worked a part-time job, I was not looking forward to it. I was dreading it in fact. This job will let Les work for a few hours a week at a much higher rate and will help tied us over. Now I need to focus on getting some more students.

Our refrig....

2009-11-02T08:12:00.000-08:00

is leaking somehow somewhere. Don't know how. Don't know why. On the phone with Sears trying to get in touch with their repair department. I've been on hold for 40 minutes.

Giving up before the miracle part two

2009-10-31T08:09:00.000-07:00

Two of my friends made comments that I thought were insightful and fitting about giving up before the miracle.

My cousin said, "I don't really like fish". Folks, this has been and will continue to be my concern, what if I don't like the miracle? What if the miracle is in California, New York, Iowa or New Mexico? What if the miracle involves Les being away for many months at a time?

My friend Jake said, "The sad thing is that the vast majority of the 5000 gave up AFTER they were fed." Ginny Owens song still rings so true for me. Here are the words:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QtNzOpKvPfw

"So if all of these trials bring me closer to you than I will go through the fire if you want me to".

I tend to give up just before the miracle.

2009-10-30T14:33:00.001-07:00

If I were one of the 5,000 I would have gone home 3 minutes before Jesus distributed the bread and fish.

When is enough, enough.

2009-10-28T15:29:00.000-07:00

There are so many things in life that can pull the rug out from under you that I am thankful not to be experiencing- death, sickness, disaster. What we are experiencing, although it feels like someone has punched us in the gut, is definitely not as bad as it could be. Unemployment, busted pipes, low funds, questions about future, etc. I feel like my lesson is learning to be still. I tend to throw as many darts as I can at the board and see what sticks. In the past I've learned that this is not only a waste of time but can be destructive to my spiritual well-being.

Right now I'm trying to get a part-time temporary job just to help us get through the next few weeks. Les has 3 jobs on the table right now. We'll see where it goes. We just need one job. We just need one opportunity. We're in such a tough place right now but it could be worse. Enough is enough when it's over.

It's called customer service, stupid.

2009-10-21T07:39:00.000-07:00

I've traveled quite a bit. Stayed in all manner of hotel/motel and have NEVER had the type of experience (or even close to the same experience)I had while at the Deerfield Inn, Erin, TN.

Becasue we suddenly came down with an emergency we had to make last minute reservations. There were no non-smoking rooms available but they did have one room and promised us it would be clean and smell smoke free (impossible to smell smoke free if it's a smoking room, but that's not even high on my list of issues with this place). We made this reservation by phone. When we arrived to the hotel the front desk clerk told us that he had a non-smoking room come available and that we could look at it before we said yes. It was clean, it was smoke free so we said yes. So while my mom went back to the office to pay the money I began to move our luggage into the room. She came back gave me the key and we settled in to the room. A few hours later someone knocked on the door and told us that we would have to change rooms because there was a mistake. We really couldn't have that room after all. As she was telling us this she began to make it sound like it was our fault that we had to move. That it was something we did that caused this to happen. Specifically, move in our things into the open room that her front desk showed her.

The owner of the motel came down offered to help us move. I told her it would take a me a few minutes to gather my things. While I was gathering a family member came to help us move. No problem until I remembered I left some of Jackson's medicine in a cup on the counter. (It ended up being thrown away-although that story is suspect too) We went to the new room. Smoking room. With no Fire Alarm.

About 2 hours later the owner came back with cash in her hand. She said she was giving us our money back. Wow. I thought to myself. She's comping our room for the trouble we have had. The lady told me I had to come to the office to sign a sheet of paper.

She began to YELL at me. Telling me she didn't need this and that she wanted me to take the money. The more I listened, asked questions, and tried to keep my cool, the more I realized she was not giving me a comp room but that she was givign me the money back so we would leave. It seems that my mom had called her and talked to her about what happened and she didn't/couldn't take any confrontation. I also learned that she COULDN'T apologize. She didn't know how to apologize. The conversation exploded from there and she told me she was going to call the police on me. I had to remind her that she is the one that called me to the office. I did not come to the office to start this conversation SHE CALLED ME TO THE OFFICE. In fact, I was pretty calm through the whole thing. Just trying to figure out why she was waving cash in my face. Could I stay, must I go? The problem with going, there were no more hotels in the little town of Erin. This was the only one. Plus, I didn't have a car or I would go into Clarksville to stay. I was stuck. She knew it.

Finally, I had to call my mom and tell her that everything was okay and that she was kicking us out and that she threatened to call the police on me. My mom talked to her and it seemed to settle her down.

The next day we moved back to a non-smoking room (actually twice because the TV was broken in one room) and had only a few more bumps in the road. (Mainly her lack of accounting and the cash blowing in the wind incident from the night before).

Perhaps because it's a small town. Perhaps because there were no other choices for customers. Perhaps because she felt superior. I'm not sure why but this lady and customer service are strangers.

Absolutely need to do something

2009-10-17T20:09:00.000-07:00

Why is change so hard? It eats at the core and makes life absolutely uncomfortable. Why can't life just be and let us be. Driving through the South I had such a peaceful feeling. Life just seemed simpler. It's not though and I know that. Problems exist no matter your address. Simplified life is a goal but not wanting to really make the changes that would accompany it.

2009-10-14T18:00:00.000-07:00

Lauren
Lover of animals, passionate about books, talented, kind hearted, compassionate, patient, a good sister, a heart that reflects Jesus.

A weekend redeemed by family and being home.

2009-10-12T19:05:00.000-07:00

Wow! Let me set the stage.

About a year ago, Gail started planning a 60th birthday party for my dad. We decided we would drive down there and then go to the beach after the party in an effort to squeeze in a vacation and visit with family. As the time approached for the party and we began to make plans, Les lost his job and we had to regroup. We decided to skip the beach and the kids and I would fly down there without Les and just spend some time with my dad and my family putting vacation on hold. We purchased our tickets and then waited for the big day.

Fast forward to a week before the party we scheduled Lauren's friend birthday at the cabin with some of her girlfriends and moms. We ended up having to cancel because Lauren came down with the flu. A few days later Emily came down with the same bug and since we were approaching the big party weekend we began to get a little nervous. Finally, two days before we were to fly out Emily's fever broke and we knew we'd be able to go. The morning we flew out I began to feel poorly. By the time we landed in Nashville I had a very high fever and knew I had the flu. It became readily apparent that I had 24 hours to get better or I would miss the party. Thursday night at the bed and breakfast (we stayed here because my dad still didn't know we were in town) I thought I was going to DIE. High fever, chills, cough, headache, devastated that I was going to miss seeing my family. Somewhere in the middle of the night my fever broke- probably thanks to the tamiflu- I decided to stay in a hotel one more night to keep people from getting infected.

And then, Jackson came down with a fever. We were going to miss the party. My husband, feeling helpless in Colorado, decided to drive out to TN to get us. I was going to be able to go to the party and he would stay with Jackson at the hotel. While I missed a ton of the fun activities I still was able to spend some time with my grandma and my dad.

The hotel we stayed out was a nightmare. The lady was like the soup nazi on seinfeld. If you complained or expressed discontent she threatened to call the police on you. Since it was the only hotel in Erin we were stuck. I guess when you have the monopoly on a business you can run it anyway you'd like. Today I am writing a letter to the corporate office and also the fire marshal in Erin.

Les arrived on Saturday in TN and we left on Sunday. The girls are flying home tomorrow. We're all praying Les doesn't get sick.

So in a nutshell that was our trip. I'm sure I'll more to say about things as the week goes on- right now I'm just so exhausted.

Sometimes I can not see God.

2009-10-09T11:17:00.000-07:00

Les is unemployed. I am in Tn for my dad's 60th birthday party and I have the flu. My son Jackson is showing signs of the flu and we are holed up in a hotel so we don't infect the countryside.

I haven't seen my dad in 2 years and the last time I saw him he had the flu so I really only saw my dad for about 3 minutes.

On so many levels I'm just through. I'm sick. I feel like crap. I'm in a hotel room in Erin, TN that while it's not a hole in the wall it's not the Broadmoor. The blankets are stiff and not sick comfy like. My son is trying to be brave and say that he's not sick. That we can go to Grandpa's party. Bless him. By this time tomorrow he'll be sick. It's been the case for Lauren, Emily, me and now him. I can't believe this. My grandmother is coming to the party several of my aunts and uncles and my cousins.

I'm in a hotel room. Trying to find God in this. Asking for His rescue and a miracle.

Still thinking about that mouse

2009-10-05T06:57:00.000-07:00

I hate mice as I have alluded to in the previous two posts. Let me tell you however, I have reason to hate mice. Let's start about 10 years ago when we were in the Moreno house. Old house, one bathroom, late at night, a little stomach bug going on, me alone on the toilet and BAM! A mouse ran across my foot. I could not scream because my sleeping toddlers were in the next room but let me tell you it was a little traumatic.

Jump forward five years, out in the garage, getting Obi some food out of the dog food bag, insert my hand with the cup to scoop up dog food, and BAM! The mouse ran across my hand and down my arm. Apparently, mice like dog food. We got a sealed container after that. Mice are unpredictable scampers too. They like to scamper right towards you and then dart away. They are stupid, see post below.

That stupid mouse- part two

2009-10-04T09:00:00.000-07:00

Stupid, as in an adjective to describe the mouse's intelligence. Not stupid mouse as in "on no, there's a stupid mouse". You know, we sleep for 8 hours a night. That stupid mouse could have the entire house to himself and we would not even have known. He could have laid back in the lazy boy, popped himself a cold one and flipped through the channels. I would have never known. Yet the "stupid" mouse has to show himself and now, well, he's going to have to be destroyed. Ignorance is bliss when it comes to creepy creatures. What a stupid, stupid mouse.

There is a mouse in my house

2009-10-03T21:06:00.000-07:00

There is a little creature in my house. I saw him out of the corner of my eye. It's that time of year when the critters start moving into warmer places so it is to be expected. I hate mice. I hate them as much as I hate snakes. A truly dreadful experience for me would include an enclosed space, a snake and a mouse.

Thankfully, the snake would eat the mouse and then I would only have a snake to worry about but before that could happen I would completely pass out. The mouse is somewhere in my living room. Probably under the couch. The brave woman that I am decided the best way to take care of this problem would be to call my dog into the living room. My dog who was sleeping in his bed in my room, slowly responded. In fact, not only was he sleeping but he was keeping the girls company because they are both sick. Both sick and both in my bed. Where I am sleeping tonight is still an unknown to me- definitely not in the living room. But that is yet another post.

The dog came into the living room and looked at me and said, "seriously?" Only with him safely by my side did I decide I could get up from the chair I was sitting. I went straight to the kitchen and cleaned it. Nothing like a mouse to motivate you to do the dishes. I swept the floor and vacuumed. I have no idea where the mouse went. There aren't many choices. I'm sure if I sat here long enough I'd see him again. Maybe he exited the house through an invisible door. Yes, that's it. He let himself out, tipping his hat and saying, "I'm so sorry to bother you madam. Please know that I will not return. In fact, I will let all my little mouse friends know that this is not a mouse friendly house and we will never bother you again". I'm pretty sure that's what happened. Right? Otherwise, I'm not sleeping very well. My dog is now sound asleep right next to me. I don't think he would even notice if a mouse ran past him.

I hate mice. Tomorrow I will go to the store and buy one of those mouse trap thingies and pay my daughter $20.00 to empty it.

I wish it was over.

2009-09-30T16:11:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I sit here thinking that if it were just "over" we could move on with our lives. So much to do. So much life to live. Instead, we sit here, (not really sit because that is just a figurative statement. This is actually the first time I've sat all day) we sit here and wait for the phone to ring. I am praying and hoping and believing that my prayers will be answered. I have seen the canyon God. I do not want to go back there. I would like to stay here in my perception of comfort.

Sometimes I feel as if I'm the only one in the world to go through this. I am not. But I am the 'me' that is going through this and that makes it personal. That makes it hurt. That makes it frustrating. For the first time today I came to a place of being out of control with my worry. Peace has resided mostly thankfully but the days, like today, when all my emotions are on the tip of my eyelids -I can not find it. I find worry, anxiousness, all the things I have tried to avoid. All the things I've tried to leave at the feet of Jesus. Yet, here I am bringing it all back up.

Last weekend in Paris...

2009-09-28T17:03:00.000-07:00

Last weekend in Paris.

Last weekend in Paris someone dined on French cuisine and drank French wine. Last weekend in Paris someone went couture shopping, browsed the antique shops, and slept in a city loft. Last weekend in Paris someone visited the museums and painted the scenery. Last weekend someone strolled the river and climbed the Eiffel Tower. Someone kissed under the stars and had coffee at a cafe. Ate croissants and cordon blu...

Last weekend in Paris.