My dog

It appears my dog has separation anxiety in a very bad way. Poor dog scratched through the fence in the backyard. This is not the first time he's done it. This time though it was harder for him to do it and it left blood on the boards. I think it is from his paw but I can't exactly tell. His nose is scratched up too. All of this has me worried. Not just because he broke through the fence again and hurt himself but because the last few months his behavior has really changed. He's become much more territorial and aggressive when someone walks past our house. Heaven to Betsy if you come to my house while I'm not here and just the kids he will bark like he's going to tear you up. My dog is also going blind. I think that may have something to do with all this dramatic change in behavior. I would say the last six months he's been getting progressively worse. He seems to be fine when I'm with him, but as soon as I leave, it gets bad.

For now, we'll crate him and see how that works. I'm going to crate him while I'm home and when I leave with a chew toy to keep him happy. Honestly and seriously, I am afraid that he's just getting older and these are all the signs of an aging dog. His vet appointment is in January for his shots and check-up. We don't know what we'll do if this dog is ready to move on. He's been such a good dog but he's just getting old.

When we don't believe

This is the first year Emily doesn't believe in Santa. I told her there wasn't one. I was a little worried that she still did believe in Santa because Lauren hasn't believed in probably 3 years. I feel bad in a way. I mean, the magic and the wonder of Santa is something I love. That's why I keep my Santa's up all year. It reminds me to be charitable, thoughtful and giving all year long.

The wonder of Santa is gone for Emily. She said to me that she wished she could believe one more year. Poor girl. Maybe I should have let her believe one more year. Or at least waiting until after Christmas this year to tell her.

However, I just read an article about a mall Santa and a little girl that sat on his lap and asked if his dad could become an Elf. The Santa asked why and she said, "because my dad has been out of work". The mom started to cry as the Santa asked the little girl if he was good with a hammer. This year has been tough on us but thanks to friends and family we've been able to keep our heads above water. While it's not as big a Christmas as usual the kids still have presents under the tree. The stockings will still have presents in them and we'll have a nice Christmas dinner. God has blessed us and I wish I could be more grateful, more giving, more generous like Santa. Because when we don't believe we forget that the greatest gift of all was a tiny baby. A Savior for mankind. All but for grace are there presents under the tree and all but for grace I am saved.

This morning

This morning Emily worked on school while Lauren is at a friend's house babysitting. Jackson is playing quietly and trying not to interrupt his sister. I'm listening to Celtic Christmas music and cleaning the house. I have quite a bit left to do yet today but wanted just to sit down for a minute. This afternoon I'm off to buy stocking stuffers for the kids and Les' Christmas present. Wish I could give him the moon this year. It's been a hard year for him.

I wrapped some Christmas presents this morning and realized I'm just not good at that. Les does a fantastic job and Lauren is taking after him. She's very precise. I'm so excited about her Christmas gifts this year. Absolutely excited for Emily's present and I think Jackson is going to go bonkers. We didn't buy much but we were careful to get the kids exactly what they wanted most of all. I'm going to relish this time with the kids these last two weeks because it's going to be nuts starting in January.

Are you praying for a White Christmas? I'd be absolutely over it for a White Christmas.

If you are the perfect wife and mother stop reading this

Seriously, stop reading.

My new stove arrived today. It's beautiful. I said a loving goodbye to my old stove thinking of all the memories. Including the one where the mouse ran up it and out of the top- okay, not so lovely memory. Sadly and oddly I cleaned my old stove before they carted it away. I mean, scrubbed the thing. Like it would really make a difference to the people who are recycling it or whatever it is that they are going to do with it.

My new stove is perfect in every way. It even has a Sabbath setting. Since I am not Jewish or even a Messianic Jew I have absolutely no idea why that's needed. I can vaguely guess that you aren't supposed to work on the Sabbath including cooking but not sure how the setting on my stove helps with that. In any case, I'm impressed. If it would do the dishes too I would be in heaven.

I decided about 4:30 today that I should probably take a shower. Today was one of those days. I think I loaded the dishwasher and turned it on twice today. Once it wasn't even full. Not even close but I didn't want to wait for more dishes to get a full load because the dishes in the sink were from the night before. I also re-washed the same load of clothes twice today. I am bad for the environment and truly don't feel guilty about it one bit.

When I walked into my room today I could hardly believe my eyes. Somewhere in the midst of the day I threw a load of clothes on the bed with every intention of folding them and putting them away. They are still on the unmade bed. At the entrance to my room I have a big carton of Christmas decorations that never quite got put up and since it's the 17th I'm thinking I may not get to it. I'm not even sure how my room gets so messy. Perhaps a flash from my childhood? I don't know but I hate it and wish I could keep it clean. It ends up being the dumping ground for all things without a home.

I also realized that my "lounge" pants feel more comfortable than my jeans. Oops. Guess I better work on that before my "lounge" pants are the only pants that fit.

It's 7:30 and I'm planning on sending the kids to bed early tonight because I need a break. I big break. I'm ready for the Christmas break for the girls from school. A break from worrying about the school we are not quite getting to each day.

I am having one of those days where I wonder how do people do this right? I can't even seem to keep up with the dishes or the laundry and if you stood on a chair and looked at the top of my cabinets you would be flabbergasted.

What I want for Christmas

This year I have a very short list. I think because we have been through so much this year I would really like nothing better than to just stay in my pajamas all day and not worry about anything. That would be a present in and of itself.

WOW!

Insurance is expensive when you are a contract worker and not a full-time employee. Not sure how we're going to make this work. Guess we'll figure it out really quickly!

Thank you Lord for a job! Now if we could just have a full-time job with a company that picks up part of the benefits........ please?

A big sigh

Colorado has mild winters. We might have a day or two of snowy weather, gray clouds, cold weather but we are hardly ever just socked in with gray clouds. After every storm, no matter how long or brief, something amazing happens. If you've never been to this state it will be hard to fully understand what I'm about to try and articulate. After a storm, especially a snow storm, the clouds part and the most amazing blue sky appears. It's absolutely breathtaking to see the snow on the ground contrasted with the blue sky. The air is crisp and clean.

I wish I could capture the blue in a picture or a painting but it's just not possible. Perhaps it's because all the senses are engaged not just the eyes. The blue is not just a color it is something you feel in your bones.

The blue is like a big sigh from the sky. It's as if it worked really hard to get rid of the storm and now it's just resting just peaceful. A big sigh.

I feel that today. I feel the peace and rest that only a big sigh can bring. Les has a job that starts January 4th. It's such a relief. Just when things were getting really bad they start to get better. The storm clouds have rolled back and there is an amazing indescribable blue.

I lie

Okay, so I've missed some great pictures this month and have not posted any since December 2nd. Before you agree with me that I'm a "liar, liar, pants on fire" blogger understand that I lost the card for my camera. I have no idea where it I put it. I'm just sick over it because I have to buy a new one and I don't think they are cheap. With Christmas coming up and everything.

I do have to tell you a little bit about some of the things that have happened the last few days. I took Jackson to a science experiment day at the teacher store. He learned about temperature. If you ask him what he learned he will tell you that hot air rises and cold air sinks. It's very cute and I'm proud of him for picking that up at least. We also had an opportunity to see a service dog in action and it thrilled Lauren to no end. The opportunity was perfect for writing her speech on The Way Dogs help People. She learned a ton from the owner of the dog. Emily is entering a gingerbread house contest. She's going to bake and decorate a gingerbread house. She's actually doing a country store with peppermint stick post in the front and a vegetable bin with carrots and potatoes. I'm hoping we can get it to stand up!

I would post pictures but.....

December 2nd

December 1st

For the month of December I'm going to try and chronicle our life through pictures. You know just the everyday pictures that seem to not get taken and surely never posted.

Day One- Evening (Note: One picture got posted twice and I don't know how to fix it.