I've come undone....

It's easy to do these days. I do not like a hectic schedule but sometimes it can not be helped. Things do not slow down for me until February 14th and then they seem to ease up for awhile but until then it's chaos. Today I would like nothing more than to stay in bed all day. Cuddled up under the blankets. Wishing for more snow, reading a book and determined to feel like I'm on vacation. However, Jackson needs to be picked up from school in about 45 minutes and then I have 2 students. By 6:00 tonight I'll be done and ready for bed- yes, it was that kind of weekend. Tomorrow is really not any better. Co-op in the morning until 12:00, rush home for a quick lunch, 2 students, and pack for Denver. Wednesday through Friday Lauren and I will be in Denver at a speech conference. Very excited to spend time with my girl but it makes for very, very long days.

Saturday is a long awaited and needed shopping trip day for the girls. Should be a fun mom and girl day. Hoping to find lots of bargains to fill up their closets and their drawers.

I've come undone and I need a bandaid until I can put myself back together. Thank the Lord for busy schedules. It means my kids are still home. It means that for the time being I have little ones that need me. We will be empty nesters soon enough. For now, I'll find some band-aids and wait for a respite to come.

Letting Emily Go-

Emily came home from church last week with a flyer about a conference in Denver for girls. Our church girls group is going and she really wanted to go. It's overnight. It's overnight and an hour away. I can hardly breathe for the thought of her going. I tell myself that no matter what I can not prevent her from having a seizure. I can only make sure the people with her will know what to do if she has one. My heart aches and rips and the thought of her being out of my sight for so long. A slumber party in town is one thing but a slumber party in another town is quite another story.

I fear not only that she'll have a seizure but that I can't protect her from other people if she does. People, especially tween girls, can be so mean. I don't want her to have to go through that. Yes. I want to put her in my pocket and carry her around the rest of her life. It would be much easier on me.

Emily is growing up. Epilepsy is not going away. She's going to be an adult with Epilepsy. If I could make it not be true I would make it not be true. Who will remind her to take her medicine?

The whole cell-phone question is now a reality. We are getting a cell phone for the girls to use. She must be able to get a hold of me if she needs to get a hold of me. No questions asked.

My Emily is growing up. I have to deal with that. She does.

The Old Man at Michaels

First, a confession must be made. I really am not a fan of old people. At least I haven't been in the past. Since my sweet Papo passed away a couple years ago that has changed for me but normally I would do what I could to avoid them. They are slow, go on and on about things and really just take too much time.

The last few weeks of my Papo's life I got to spend quite a bit of time with him. He, sadly, was not completely aware of my presence but the moments he was aware it was a sweet time.

After that, because I think I miss him, I found that old people weren't that much of a bother and probably someone's grandmother or grandfather.

Now to the story of The Old Man at Michaels.

On my way home the other day I decided to run into Michaels to purchase supplies to make my mom's birthday gift. I only had a few minutes because the kids were at home and it was almost time for Jackson's pre-school to start. Lunches needed to be made and he needed to get dressed all before 12:30. I walked over to the scrapbook section and there I saw an old man looking at letter stickers. It looked as if his wife had sent him into the store to buy some letters for her. He looked overwhelmed and confused at the number of stickers available for purchase. I remember thinking, don't go down that aisle or he'll ask you a ton of questions. So I tried to avoid it as much as I could. Finally, after all my shopping was done he was still there in the same spot still looking confused. So as I walked down the aisle I walked past him and said something like, "Lots to choose from". Of course, he immediately started talking to me. He told me of his project to make a sign for the Pikes Peak Grille off of Garden of the Gods. He said, pointing to his black hat, that they helped WWII/Korea Vets with lunches on Tuesdays. His hat showed that he himself was a WWII and Korean Veteran and it was obvious he was proud about that fact.

He proceeded to show me a picture of himself in a uniform and his National WWII Memorial official card. He told me he spoke at TCA's annual Veteran program and that he was helping the General at Ft. Carson with the Korean Memorial on post. He said that the General was from the Phillipines and that in 1945 when he was stationed in the Phillipines he helped rescue a POW camp. The General was born in 1947 in the Phillipines and said that his father was one of the prisoners this old man had rescued. He cried and cried as he told me. He reminded me so much of my Papo I could hardly believe it. He hangs out at Peaks Grille. We're going to go there for sure to find him and see if he is lonely or if he has a family. I can't remember his name because I'm absolutely horrible at that.

It was a blessed moment that I will remember for the rest of my life.

A Footstool

Not crazy about the new fabric but it was very inexpensive. I will look for prettier fabric this garage sale season. But for now I'm happy. It was good practice. Corners are very hard!
Does anyone know how to post pictures without the text doing that crazy thing?

Rubberbands be gone...and the post where I say finally excessively.

Woo Hoo! My kitchen cabinet hinges are now fixed after several years. We found the right hinges finally and were finally able to fix the broken ones-finally. It's amazing to have cabinets that will close, FINALLY. La La La....

My Valentine Day Tree.

This is the tree I keep up year round. I like the lights and it's fun to celebrate the different seasons/holidays. Not much on Valentine Day unless it involves a night away with my love and dinner at a fun chic cafe somewhere. Otherwise, I see it as a complete waste of energy for the many single girls and lonely wives. Worrying whether or not their husband/boyfriend will remember and give flowers. I used to be like that until I realized my husband does nice things for me all year round to show that he loves me- Valentines Day is an excuse to have one more date night that month and for that I'm excited. Of course, if it does involve chocolates, flowers or smoochy cards I will not mind, I just will not be disappointed if it doesn't. Something about 17 years of being married I finally know Les. He's not one to draw attention or be sappy. That's fine with me. I'll take consistent love, favors, and support 365 days a year and not one big flourished display.

But alas, (I said, alas) I will be fine with a tree with hearts on it from Hobby Lobby- can not beat the deal of 10 hearts for 2.75- to celebrate this day. I will smooch him one or two more times on the 14th just for good measure and will be sad for my friends who get their panties in a wad when the flowers do not arrive.

I am amazed at people's generous nature in

times of urgent need. It seems that people are very visual in recognizing need and emotional in responding. I hate that Hurricane Katrina is categorized as a time of "non-giving" and compassion. So many people gave their time and money to help rebuild New Orleans. Yes, sadly, the government did not respond well and in all practical purposes failed. That's why I'm so completely and utterly confused as to why people want to give more to the government and expect them to somehow save them. They've proven in many different administrations to be completely inept at providing basic services. How can they handle crisis? Or a trillion dollar health care program? I read horror stories of aid being sent over from foreign countries only to rot in boxes because they couldn't be used and distributed by the government. There are so many stories out there of the government's complete and utter incompetency-WHY?

I see such strength and resolve in the human spirit. In the AMERICAN spirit. If people gave like this on a daily basis to faith based organizations there would be no need for the government to step up. The poor could be cared for, the homeless sheltered, the hungry fed and the sick cared for.

Let's be more generous. Let's be more giving. Let's not look to the government to help those around us and those in foreign countries.

This Valentine Day

This Valentine Day I will think about the greatest love of all.

How deep the Father's love for us,
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss,
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One,
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the Man upon a cross,
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice,
Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I knoww that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom.

I pray this Valentine Day you find the greatest love of all. Jesus

I would like to declare

that I am officially a nerd.

Let me start with example number one....

About 2 months ago I went to a meeting at my daughter's school. It was dark when I arrived at the school so I decided to park in a lot that was closer to the door but required me to walk up a rocky incline. (See how I say, "rocky incline" so that it sounds more important?) Of course I tripped up the hill. While I was walking up the hill and tripping I also happened to be on the phone with my cousin Rose. I made some type of noise like, whooooaaaaaa, or other weird vowel and consonant combination and disconnected the phone call. Thankfully, my cousin Rose thought well enough of me to call me back...just in case I was dead or something. At this same meeting 2 months later the director announced that they were putting in extra security lighting. She proceeded to look at me and point out that the main reason was because I had tripped up the rocky incline. Thank you so much director for not only pointing that out but revealing that you had seen said travesty. So thanks to me, there will now be extra lighting in the school parking lot.

Example number two...

A little known fact about me is that I love to follow certain unsolved crimes. The latest one that has caught my attention is the Baby Gabriel story. Following up on a lead I emailed someone's blog who might have a possible connection to the story. Like I was seriously going to solve this crime from my computer. It obviously was not a real clue and pretty much a dead end- but hey, I could have solved the crime and would have been a hero. I'm so extremely humiliated. I wish I could take back my email.

Example number three...

Nope. Not going to do it. Not going to share number three. You'll just have to guess.

Sometimes I hate my job.

If you do not have a child with a reading disability you need to thank the Lord. It's the most frustrating problem I have ever encountered. I help children with reading difficulties. Sometimes the despair and frustration is too much. It's overwhelmingly frustrating to see a child struggle with something that is automatic for so many others. It's like watching someone with one leg trying to walk or someone with no hands trying to open a door. It seems absolutely impossible.

I'll admit there are days that stand out as good days. Days where the reading seems fluid, the ideas seem to come together, and the process of learning to read almost realized. Those are the good days. You can see it on their faces. They feel as if they have conquered a giant and are standing proud. Those days I feel privileged to be apart of the process. Those days are like honey. Days like today where a student can't remember the /u/ sound or forgets what a syllable is or just doesn't even care about reading, those days are like poison.

My heart melts and my brain freezes. I feel like a hurdle instead of a help.