Wednesday, September 30, 2009

I wish it was over.

Sometimes I sit here thinking that if it were just "over" we could move on with our lives. So much to do. So much life to live. Instead, we sit here, (not really sit because that is just a figurative statement. This is actually the first time I've sat all day) we sit here and wait for the phone to ring. I am praying and hoping and believing that my prayers will be answered. I have seen the canyon God. I do not want to go back there. I would like to stay here in my perception of comfort.

Sometimes I feel as if I'm the only one in the world to go through this. I am not. But I am the 'me' that is going through this and that makes it personal. That makes it hurt. That makes it frustrating. For the first time today I came to a place of being out of control with my worry. Peace has resided mostly thankfully but the days, like today, when all my emotions are on the tip of my eyelids -I can not find it. I find worry, anxiousness, all the things I have tried to avoid. All the things I've tried to leave at the feet of Jesus. Yet, here I am bringing it all back up.

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