Wednesday, September 30, 2009

I wish it was over.

Sometimes I sit here thinking that if it were just "over" we could move on with our lives. So much to do. So much life to live. Instead, we sit here, (not really sit because that is just a figurative statement. This is actually the first time I've sat all day) we sit here and wait for the phone to ring. I am praying and hoping and believing that my prayers will be answered. I have seen the canyon God. I do not want to go back there. I would like to stay here in my perception of comfort.

Sometimes I feel as if I'm the only one in the world to go through this. I am not. But I am the 'me' that is going through this and that makes it personal. That makes it hurt. That makes it frustrating. For the first time today I came to a place of being out of control with my worry. Peace has resided mostly thankfully but the days, like today, when all my emotions are on the tip of my eyelids -I can not find it. I find worry, anxiousness, all the things I have tried to avoid. All the things I've tried to leave at the feet of Jesus. Yet, here I am bringing it all back up.

Monday, September 28, 2009

Last weekend in Paris...

Last weekend in Paris.

Last weekend in Paris someone dined on French cuisine and drank French wine. Last weekend in Paris someone went couture shopping, browsed the antique shops, and slept in a city loft. Last weekend in Paris someone visited the museums and painted the scenery. Last weekend someone strolled the river and climbed the Eiffel Tower. Someone kissed under the stars and had coffee at a cafe. Ate croissants and cordon blu...

Last weekend in Paris.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Why I love Sundays

I wish Sundays lasted longer than 24 hours. I love everything about it from going to church, out to lunch, family time, special desserts, naps and cuddling on the couch.

Right now we're having a Wii night and counting down the minutes until bedtime. I'm watching my family laugh and work together to get the little lego man up a bridge and over a river. My daughter is explaining all the little tricks of the game. She's like a tour guide for lego land. The others are very patient with her. Jackson has a tendency to shoot the players that are on the good team. It can be quite frustrating if you're the guy he shoots.

Busy week ahead as we start school and plan for Lauren's birthday party. She's turning 13. I'm not sure when that happened. When I had time to grow up and have a teenager to call my own. We are taking a few girls to the cabin for a girls weekend. Looking forward to watching my girl grow into a woman. I still remember walking around Wal-mart waiting for her "pacifier" mouth to go away so we could get her picture taken. Sweet picture,sweet girl.

Still trying to navigate through unemployment land. My husband does not seem worried. Perhaps it's faith, perhaps denial- whatever it is- (yes, I use dashes way too much) it can drive me nuts. Praying for a job offer this week. Open hands- God is who He says He is. May not like what the future has in store but I would rather walk this road in obedience than to be out of His will.

Happy Sunday- (there's that dash again)


So very cool the look of my new blog. Thanks to my friend Sandy!

Friday, September 25, 2009

Don't know how to edit my header

Can anyone help? I want the words on the side and then the ability to insert a picture. I like the look of my new blog. What do you all think?

New day - New post

Do you know how many wonderful blogs are out there? Whatcha looking for? Fashion, gossip, funny, sad, children, marriage, food, crafts, decorating, inspiring, motivating? All there. I spent last night flipping through some amazing blogs. I learned so much and mostly was amazed that there are so many people in the world with so many ideas. I need to work on my blog roll on my front page.

What's going on around here?

Girls are doing school/cleaning their rooms/reading/playing/being sweet to each other.

Jackson just finished cleaning his room (read that- picking up his room with Dad's help).

Obi is sleeping close by dreaming of the cabin.

Les is on the computer answering emails and looking for a job.

I am blogging. Getting ready to decorate for fall. Wish I had bought some pumpkins at the store today. Perhaps I'll go back and pick up a big one or two.

It is a new day. I actually got a good night's sleep last night.

I'll post pictures of the fall decorations when I'm done.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

My husband fixed the washing machine.

Said with amazement and disbelief. I am completely in awe that he even knew where to start. It's not that my husband is an "unhandy" man, he's just not a "Handyman". Take the garage door opener- please. Okay, seriously, it hasn't worked in a like a year. He almost got it fixed but not quite. Time to call someone and give in if you ask me. I want to park in my garage. Especially with winter coming, the snow, the frost, the ice.

If I could be rich for just a day I would hire the following handymen: a painter, a gardener, a garage door fixer, a window cleaner, a carpet cleaner, a re-tiler, a tile grouter cleaner, you get the picture. (OH! A picture hanger would be nice too).

Les has an interview tomorrow. Praying and hoping he gets this job. Wanting this time in our lives to be over. Ready to move forward and onward. What's the next chapter? What's the next mountain to climb?

Thankful for my "unhandyman" who is "handy" with my heart, with the kids, with our lives.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

I have someone in my life

that makes me feel horrible. I can't seem to distance myself but yet, find it difficult to confront them. I can't put my finger on it and I have definitely found that it's not so much them as a combination of "us". One other time in my life have I met someone that I find myself being hurt and left feeling yucky.

I really wish that sometimes I could just move to the country and separate from everything and everyone. Sometimes life is hard.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Couscous and Teriyaki Chicken for Lunch

Yum! It's snowing outside. It's September 21st and it's snowing outside. Decided to make a good lunch for the family and fill their bellies.

Jackson did great on his EEG but from what the Tech didn't say, I'm a little worried. Should know something by the end of the week. I'm really hoping that he doesn't have to be on medication. That he can go through life not having to worry about this. My heart is heavy.

We are all trying to recoup from last nights staying up late and getting up early. It's hard when they have to be sleep deprived. It's hard on everyone. Les is sleeping right now trying to catch up. After lunch I'm going to take a nap, hopefully.

It's Monday

Well, I only achieved one of my goals from last week. I gave the dog a bath. Surprisingly, his ears have cleared up without intervention from a vet so we're hoping it has something to do with the colder weather. School took up a majority of our days last week. We're really staying focused and on track. Love that it's the middle to end of September and we have yet to completely miss a day

Today is Jackson's EEG. Hopefully, this is the last EEG he will have for a long time. He has been grumpy and moody the past couple of weeks so it makes me a little suspicious. Thinking that if the brain waves are not normal we'll consider keeping him off medications until something "happens". He's around the age Emily started having really big and noticeable seizures and nothing. My mommy gut tells me he's going to be fine.

Good day at church yesterday but somehow ended up with a migraine headache. It took forever to work itself out. Hoping to avoid a headache today. I know it's from stress I get that. I just wish my body knew what my heart and mind know. Everything is going to be okay. We'll bounce back from this.

Les has a couple things in the works and hopefully something will pan out soon. We keep trying to stay focused on what we know about God. Scriptures help, encouragement helps. Life is just full of ups and downs and we'll get through this.

It will be good to see God woo my family through the amazing promises he will deliver on-

Saturday, September 19, 2009

What does it mean to Wait Upon the Lord

This is my spiritual question for this week. To find the answer for this. What's the definition of this word wait in greek/hebrew? What's the significance of waiting? It can't mean IDLE. Search begins. What does Wait Upon the Lord mean to you?

Friday, September 18, 2009

As we wait, these are the verses I read. These are the verses I share with my husband. There are so many worse things than losing our home. My step sister just found out she has cancer in her spine. She has 4 small children. Her husband has a heart condition that could cause sudden death. We walk through hard times right now but it could be so much worse.

Here are my verses-

Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. (Isaiah 40:28-31)

Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord you God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. (Isaiah 43:1b-3a)

Trust in the Lord and do good; so you will live in the land, and enjoy security. Take delight in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act. Be still before the Lord, and wait patiently for him. (Psalm 37:3-5, 7a)

You can cut the stress with a knife.

Today is the day to find out about a certain job, at a certain location, doing something my husband loves. The answer will be yes or no. We know God has already gone this way- he knows what will happen. What has happened. My husband is very discouraged. He is ready to be employed. He is ready to not have to do this anymore. I pray more that he gets this job for him more than for us.

I see his frustration. He just went for a walk. I wish he would just take the day and go somewhere- anywhere. Maybe I'll send him to the cabin by himself. To focus, to re- assess. Can't do much on the weekend anyway. I'll keep the kids with me. That's what I'll do.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

My heart and mind say YES, LORD!

I'm trying to keep my eyes on Jesus during this time of un- employment. Daily quiet times, prayer, reaching out to others. I have experienced such incredible peace during this time. It's been overwhelming this peace. Today, however, I discovered that my brain and heart are trying to be focused on Jesus but I am not free of stress. In fact, I'm having migraine headaches and stomach pains. Perhaps I'm not doing as good a job as I think I am.... :(

Sunday, September 13, 2009

My goals for this week

To keep myself accountable I have decided to actually write out the things I would like to get accomplished and then check on myself next Sunday. So here it goes- Goals for September 13-September 20th:

1. Clean out the loft closet.
2. Give the dog a bath and take him to the vet.
3. Start Math and Barton with Jackson.
4. Clean out the refrig and clean the stove.

I wish this was all we needed to get done but I can only do so much in one week.

Friday, September 11, 2009

School took forever today and Emily had a tooth pulled

Yes. That title is a little, well, all over the place. Reflective of the day. My great husband is taking the younger two kids for a bike ride. My oldest daughter and I are watching, "Say yes to the dress" while cooking dinner.

School did take forever today- seriously. FOREVER. But we got it all done except for Spanish. Not bad.

Emily has a funny quirk. She HATES loose teeth. Hates them. Most people wiggle their tooth until it comes out- not Emily. In fact, she had one tooth loose and hanging on a string for about a month. It got to the point where it wouldn't even stay straight in her mouth. Because of this quirk I have had to PAY to have the dentist PULL her loose tooth out. Granted- the teeth have been in the back of her mouth and kind of get wedged so it's impossible for me to pull it. Plus, she'd throw a fit. So today I took her to the dentist to have a tooth pulled. She now only has 2 baby teeth left. That's it. Crazy. Absolutely crazy. She felt bad but I told her that we all have our quirks.

So school took forever and Emily had a tooth pulled- pretty much sums up our day.


Math is a foreign language. Although I've learned so much by teaching my kids (why didn't I learn this in the first place??) Starting next year, Lauren will take Algebra at TCA. Not even going to try and tackle algebra or calculus. God Bless the mom who does!

Mean, Mode, Median.....

Thursday, September 10, 2009

What day of the week is it?

I'm behind or ahead.... can't figure it out. That's what going on vacation does to you. It makes you forget the days of the week.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Home again, Home again, Jiggity, Jig

While I love being at the cabin, there is something about being home to make a girl happy.

My house is relatively clean and organized which makes it much easier to bring in the laundry and suitcases from this weekend.

Home is where the heart is, no matter the craziness that comes with it. Students starting at 4:30 today and one tomorrow. Lauren has school, speech/debate and of course, Tae Kwondo for all the kids.

Big garage sale on Saturday at my favorite neighborhood. Looking for twin sheets, twin comforters, full size sheets and queen sheets for the cabin. Maybe an area rug or two to hide the crazy cabin flooring.

Home again, Home again, Jiggity, Jig.

Monday, September 7, 2009

Facing this week

Wow! This week is here already. This week meaning, the first week we are all back into our various activities. Jackson starts Pre-K on Wednesday, Lauren school on Thursday and Bible Study on Friday. Mixed in with students, school, house maintenance and voila! This week.

I'm praying this is the week that the job ball starts rolling. That things start coming together, applications, interviews, offers. Trying my hardest to stay focused on God and my spiritual life. Trying to focus on each one of my chlldren figuring out how to best educate and love them this year.

Busy week ahead.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Ode to My Husband

As I type this my husband is making the 45 minute one way trip to Alamosa. The only Walgreens in the area. My children have been blessed with odd shaped ear drums and as a result, ear infections are quite common. Thankfully, our doctor called in an antibiotic and ear pain meds for Jackson over the phone.

Thus the trip to Alamosa. Of course, we were actually in Lake City on our day trip which is 2 hours in the opposite direction of the only Walgreens. We rushed through lunch to get back to the cabin so that Les could get there before they closed. No complaining or "woe is me" from him. He just does what needs to be done. Last night Jackson threw up a little (just from all the nose drainage) and Les took care of it. Including throwing the linens in the washing machine. No complaining.

My husband is a sacrificer for his family. Just when I think, he's reached his giving limit he just gives more. Does the dishes, makes the bed, does the laundry- plus, goes to work (well, usually goes to work).

When I married him I knew he was a giver. I just didn't really know he was a giver past the "I'm dating you and putting on my best face" phase. I love that six little eyes are watching him and learning from him. I love that six little eyes see that he loves them. I love that he is a constant example of what it means to be a good dad and husband.

Would I go back and make different choices? No. Not in a million years. It's funny because I've had a few people talk about the stress unemployment will put on our marriage. I guess in most cases they are correct. It's hard being unemployed. It's hard worrying about money. But when you are married to a man whose character is deeper than the events of the moment, it's okay. It's not overwhelming.

It's Sunday

Cleaning up after breakfast and trying to get everyone dressed and out the door. We've decided to go to Lake City today. We plan on hiking along the way and taking some great pictures. There is a 50% chance of rain and like Em said, "At least it's not 100% chance of rain". Positive outlook. Thanks for the reminder Emily.

I figured out why Jackson was so whiny yesterday. He had an upset stomach. Threw up last night. Not a ton but enough to make him feel horrible. He is fine this morning and ready for an adventure. He even suggested brining a shovel and pail. Just in case we find a dinosaur bone, don't you know?

Lauren is taking the dog for a run before we leave for our day trip. We'd take him with us but I have a feeling he'd love a nice long nap. Poor dog couldn't even keep up with me last night on my bike. Usually he runs circles around me while I'm riding. Stayed right behind my back tire the entire way.

Speaking of riding my bike I actually fell off my bike at the very end of the ride. There I am laying on my side with my bike on top of me and my husband asks, "Did you fall off your bike?". Mmmm? No. I like to lay on the ground with my bike on top of me. I was pretty sore last night but seem no worse for the wear.

I'm off to finish getting ready. Love this time of year with the fall colors and cooler temperature. It's Sunday and we're going to enjoy this day that the Lord has made.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Not my children

My children. I have 3 of them. Ranging in age from 12 years to 5 years. Normally, they get along very well. Except for today. Today, my 5 year old has whined non-stop. My 10 year old has felt verbally attacked by the entire family (Emily, would you get a cup of sugar for me? WHY IS IT ALWAYS ME???) and my 12 year old has pushed everyone's buttons, for the fun of it.

About 5 minutes ago, all 3 of them were arguing at the same time- each on their own topic. I've never been so confused in all my life. Jackson's topic of dismay was different than his sister's. His sister's were each different from each other. It was as if they just had to all be heard- at the same time.

I am a mom. I can handle this. Early dinner, baths, and bed. I don't care if it's only 7:00. I don't care if you aren't tired. Bless them- it's hard being a sibling.

Sitting in on the porch.

My children are building a fort behind the cabin. Thanks to Sara for planting trees in a somewhat circular pattern. I wonder if she thought about the fort possibilities when she planted those trees? 30 years ago when her own children were young. I know she loved this place. All the beauty and memories are really more than one place should be allowed to hold.

Sitting on the porch you are reminded that life is a series of choices that have long term consequences. We tend to forget the decisions that brought us to a certain place in our lives. A series of decisions that make a series of consequences that make up a life.