Jackson is almost 5

How did that happen? Wasn't it just last month that I had the flu and discovered I was also pregnant? What a surprise it was to be expecting a child when we thought our family was done. He was the only one that I had morning sickness with. Everyday for over 9 months I threw up. It was obvious to me that the little one I was carrying was definitely different than my girls. When we saw the ultra-sound it was confirmed- the last member of our family would be a boy! The exclamation point to our family sentence.

My first memory of him is laying in the hospital bed, holding him. His big eyes looking up at me while I softly sang to him a lullaby. The look on his little newborn face was one of recognition and surprise. The last 5 years have been swift. He makes us laugh. He makes his sisters crazy. He makes our family complete.

30 minutes of quiet

Les took Lauren and Jackson to the park. I have until 7:25 when I go pick up Emily from TKD to have quiet time. I don't mind really. I don't mind being a mom and hearing 100 times a day, "Mom, can I tell you something?" I love it in fact. But a rest. A break. A moment to put my feet up in my big comfy chair and do nothing is like the taste of chocolate. Heavenly.

Creativity One Oh One

Jackson is the little one. We've decided to homeschool him next year and then send him to Kindergarten. His birthday is July 31st. A late birthday so a late start. He could probably handle the full-time kindergarten but why push it? So he's home one more year. That's okay with me. Everyone I've asked about holding back said it was the right decision. Boys mature later and do so much better if they just have more time to develop and be ready for school. Today he asked to paint. He decided to paint one side of the paper and fold it over. According to him, "That made it "more" better". He just made me a rainbow. Very nice. I'll take one more year home with him when he's 4 and then again when he's 18. There is no hurry. Life happens.

I am feeling sorry for myself today

The noise in my hear is so loud I can hardly stand it. Loud noises hurt my ears and silence is unbearable.

The craziness of this week

Summer. A time for the kids to try out new sports and activities. Camps provide a great outlet for them to try a sport without commitment. The problem with this plan is that 3 kids equals 3 sport camps a week for at least 3 weeks. Usually they start at different times and are in different locations which means I'm behind the wheel the majority of the day. Summer will soon be over and we'll be back to the swing of school and our fall activities. If we could just start back a little at a time we would be so much better off as we proceed through the year. Instead it seems that we are jumping in with both feet and not looking back.

My hearing is just about gone

Not kidding. There are some days when I can not hear anything at all. The other night we went to a meeting and I could not hear a word the speaker was saying. Silence. Not blah blah blah the blah blah purpose blah blah blah... silence.

How will this affect my tutoring. Right now it's fine because it's one on one in a quiet room and the children sit right next to me. If I were in a classroom with multiple children- it would be bad. Horrible.

For now, it's one on one conversations in a quiet room.

My Emily

Oh if there were a healing river... Stuck in a hard place of acceptance and advocate. As a mom how do you accept your child's condition but at the same time fight like a warrior for the right care and answers? There is never any rest. Only struggle. There are days when we can forget. Those rare days when normalcy is obtained. And then there are other days when her tremors are so bad she can't hold a pencil or a fork.

There is a verse- don't skip over these words, read each word-

Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the LORD your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.

I do not feel strong. I do not feel of good courage. I am full of fear. I will tell myself over and over that the Lord will not leave me nor forsake me nor Emily. I will tell myself that over and over.

God sees Emily. He knows her path. Her today path. Her tomorrow path.