Saturday, August 29, 2009

Themes in the desert

It's been incredibly interesting to see God work throughout my 39 years. It seems that the lessons keep repeating themselves as if God is saying to me, "Learn it why don't you?" Well, I'll tell you one thing I know for sure, I am a slow learner.

I'm thankful for those who stand by me and pray with me AGAIN, for what seems like the same chapter, different verse. These are my verses and my chapters but I sometimes wish I could trade with someone.

It's interesting how God speaks to me. Never loudly always softly. Asking me to once again, let Him be my focus, my Lord. The themes in the desert are the same. This time they are more pronounced and I think clearer.

Theme One: Peace

I'm a worrier. I have been my whole life. A trait I've passed on to my daughter Lauren. It's genetic I think. You know the saying, "Don't borrow trouble?" Well, I'm in debt because of my borrowing habits. I wish I could say my "borrowing" avoided trouble. In actuality, it's unproductive and distracting. This time, I feel more peace on a more frequent basis. Partly because of prayer and partly because when I begin to "lose my mind because of a lack of peace" I turn to look squarely in God's face.

Theme Two: Rest

These two, peace and rest, go together. With no peace there is no rest. With peace, rest. I have this "talent" if you will for attacking problems in a frantic all consuming way that attempts to take the problem out of God's hands and into my control. It kind of looks like this, applying for every job out there for my husband, telling him what to say on phone interviews, bombarding him with articles about career advice and how to look for a job. Thankfully, I'm not doing that this time. Nope. Well, maybe a little but definitely not like before. Sometimes problems, while not to be avoided, are meant to be lived in and through for a while. It's not like we can rush God's plan or purposes anyway- why try to act like it? Besides, sometimes problems and challenges aren't about me and aren't mine to fix.

Theme Three: Thirst

I posted about this a few days ago. I am longing and thirsty for something and sadly, it isn't spiritual. Security, material possessions, relationships, etc.... Praying that I begin to long and continue to long for living water. When Jesus said, "Come to me all who are thirsty and I will give you something to drink", he was being literal and figurative at the same time. What do I thirst after? Can I thirst after spiritual living water and be content? Trying not to be all consumed with my life right now. Trying to focus on "other things"... Like loving my family, supporting my husband, planning for lean times.

Is God who he says he is? Do I believe God is who he says he is? Either God is God or he is not.

One of the most powerful songs about trials was written by Ginny Owens:

The pathway is broken
And The signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to

Cause I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet
so if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I will walk through the fire
If You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'd never go alone

So when the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering that Your love put You through
And I will walk through the darkness
If You want me to

Cuz when I cross over Jordan
Gonna sing, gonna shout,
Gonna look into Your eyes and see You never let me down
So take me on the pathway that leads me home to You
And I will walk though the valley
If You want me to

Yes, I will walk through the valley
If You want me to

Can I truly say that? After 39 years the answer is an unequivocal YES! Avoiding the valley is avoiding God's plan. Living out of God's plan is not an option. Oh how I want to be right on course. Within a 1/2 degree or less. There is peace in the valley.

Friday, August 28, 2009

My Dog

My dog's name is Obi Wan Knobi. He's a rescue dog from the Humane Society. He isn't a seizure dog but when Emily is feeling poorly and having seizure activity he stays right by her side. When Lauren is afraid of the storms outside he stays right by her side. Jackson calls him, "his buddy" and Obi will chase him around the house. We think he's about 7 years old. He's become such a big part of our family that we can't imagine life without him.

A weekend home alone

I'm not sure yet, but I think Les is taking the children to the cabin this weekend. This means, I'm home alone. Why am I not going? I committed to go to a really fun worship event on Saturday.

So, I'm home with a list a mile long. Mostly organizing and boxing things up to put in the basement and store for our next move, (if we ever move and we are still praying we do not have to move) and/or garage sale. I also want to tackle the garage so that I can get my car in there this winter. Mostly, I just want to accomplish some big projects.

I also need to study, make copies and glue magnets on the back of letters for my tutoring business. Lots of things to do that I keep putting off because there are other thing to attend to-mainly, life.

I'm not sure if they are going yet and if they are I need to get some laundry done really quick. So off I go to get ready for a weekend alone that may or may not happen. If it doesn't happen WE are going to work on the garage and WE are going to box things up. Either way- projects are getting done.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Being complete

Today we (Les and I) went to an amazing model home. Not just any model home mind you but one that cost 999,999- that's dollars. It wasn't decorated. In fact it was quite empty with a few chairs here and there. But honestly, it didn't have to be decorated. The house spoke for itself. Crown molding- the real wood kind. Baseboards at least a foot tall. Not kidding friends, I GOT LOST. Lost in the space of customization. The laundry room itself was worth the price tag.

Leaving the house Les got a call from a recruiter about a job. He told Les the dollar amount and I felt incomplete. How would we ever be able to afford THIS house on THAT salary. In fact, I'm pretty sure we wouldn't be able to afford the laundry room. My mind whirling and my mouth complaining I actually said, "Well, you can always keep looking for something that makes more." Have you been following my blog? LES IS UNEMPLOYED and I am ungratefully complaining about a possible job opportunity. Does God have to make it any plainer than that? I am completely and overwhelming discontent. It's not about a job. It's not about a house. It's not about a paycheck. It's about my heart longing for more- and it ain't spiritual.

I wish I could be less concerned about things of the material nature and much more concerned with things of a spiritual nature. I don't want to hit rock bottom to learn a lesson.

(Please note: I re-read my blog and it sounded like there would be a job out there that would allow us to afford a million dollar home- mmmmm? No. Unless the lottery picks our numbers that house isn't in our future- just so we're clear on that minor custom detail).

Monday, August 24, 2009

Deciding when to freak out-

It seems as if finding a job is either really easy or really hard. There is no in between. My poor husband is literally taking 8 hours a day and looking/applying for a job. It's not fun, it's boring, it's stressful and above all, it's time consuming.

Putting out feelers out in a few different markets but asking God to stay in Colorado Springs. Moving is not new to me. I moved every 2-3 years growing up. I didn't hate it. In fact, the kids are excited about the possibilities. I just would like to avoid the stress of looking for a new house and selling this one.

I wish I could see the future so I could just relax in the present. :)! Oh my- that's very unscriptural.

25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?

26"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? 28And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?

31"So do not worry, saying, `What shall we eat?' or `What shall we drink?' or `What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

A few months ago I posted that I was a fish in a tree. Now I am eating my words.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Julie/Julia Cooking Project

Just saw the movie and it was great! Makes you want to cook food and drink wine. My good friend and I went to see the movie yesterday (and then back to her house for dinner) Nothing better than an old friend, new movie and good food.

I'm thinking about doing something similar with the girls. Something not as dramatic as French cooking. Perhaps a Betty Crocker or Southern Living cookbook. 30 days of meals. Prepared by the 3 of us. New skills learned new challenges. Attempting dishes we would not normally try.

We might blog about it, we might scrapbook it. We definitely will not make a movie about it. Well, if they must make a movie about it- fine, we'll compromise as long as Sandra Bullock plays me :)!

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Week 2 of School

COVETING our school time this year. No doctor's appts before 1:00 and only on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Mornings are school time. Not answering the phone, not answering the door, not planning play dates, not interrupting school time this year. More to life than books and lessons plans- absolutely, just life has to happen between the hours of 1 and 8:30 or on the weekends.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

The Weather

Lauren loves talking about the weather. She takes after her Grandma Sara when it comes to this. I think part of her fascination with weather is because she's a little paranoid about there being a tornado. A couple years ago she was at my dad's house in TN and there were a few bad tornadoes in the area. More than once they had to get in the bathroom because of sirens and threat of tornadoes.

What's exciting about homeschooling is that you can plan curriculum based on what your kids love. She's doing a unit on weather now and loves it. Perhaps I have a meteorologist on my hands? Her biggest fascination right now, besides tornadoes, is lightning. Did you know there were more than one type of lightning? Some lightning comes from the ground and goes up to the sky. Wow! It's beautiful!

Hoping to take a field trip to a weather station this year. Lots on my plate but my kids are so worth it.

The biggest news of the week is that we are waiting to put Jackson in Kindergarten altogether. He's just not ready for part-time Kindergarten. Another year will do him so much good. Can't wait to see how much he changes this year.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

I can hear the click of the computer keyboard

New hearing aids in today and they help me hear sounds better. Jury is still out as to whether they help me hear more clearly. I'll know in about an hour because I have 3 students today.

Here's what I've heard today that I normally do not hear: Air Conditioning, refrig, dryer, fan in bathroom, truck in my blind spot, my blinker, medicine rattling in a bottle, my hair rubbing against my ears, my son whispering and water running in the kitchen.

I still have tinnitus but I think it takes awhile to help minimize the noise in my head.

I have hearing aids. If you hug me I might whistle.

Monday, August 10, 2009

First day of school 2009

No pictures. I didn't take even one picture. We did a fabulous experiment on aquifers and a wonderful art session on portraits. No pictures. Thankfully, school is more than one day :)! Well, most of the time I'm thankful for that fact (except the days I'm not).

Emily did great today. She was very patient and never asked me one time, "are we done yet". I think because she could see all the work laid out for her. I'm using the workbox system (again, not one picture of it).

Jackson was at his Granny's most of the day so I really only had to worry about him for about an hour before the girl's were done. We played Buggy Bingo and worked on vowel sounds.

Lauren is still trying to finish math from last year (yes, I should have pushed her to finish this summer but I was tired of pushing). She worked on math for about 3 hours today and read. Not a fun day for her but her official start to school is at the end of August.

Already planned tomorrow's school day for Emily. She has an EEG tonight and because of that we probably will not start until around noon (or as soon as she takes a nap and has lunch).

Off to make dinner for Emily and Les before they leave for the hospital (I get an EEG break and Les is taking a turn- upside of being laid off).

Saturday, August 8, 2009

A picture says a thousand words

Pictures don't lie.... All wrong. This picture of Emily looks like she knocked this kid off his feet. Actually, she kicked, he jumped, I snapped and no contact was even made. I was there I know.

How many more pictures have we seen that just aren't a true representation of what happened? Makes you wonder doesn't it?

Thursday, August 6, 2009

A bump in the road....

Les has been laid off from his job. We're encouraged though because the number of jobs that are out there for Database Architects. I think he'll find a job quickly. We're looking and pursuing and applying.

If there is a moral to this story it would be that the unexpected should be the expected. Preparation is key and required. Looking to God for answers, direction and provision. Let the new adventure begin-

Saturday, August 1, 2009

I have decided

sitting here. in the dark. waiting for a movie to begin. i have decided. that life is precious. it moves fast. it moves. i blink and my kids are older. i blink and i'm older. seems like a dream of never ending roller coaster rides.