Tis the season....

I love Thanksgiving and Christmas. Not hard to do because the season is so great. Honestly though, this is the hardest time of year for me. I mourn that my parents are divorced, I mourn that my dad is in another state, I mourn that picture of a Norman Rockwell Christmas. I wish it could be different. So, I try to make that Norman Rockwell picture for my family and fail miserably. Part of that picture to me is the perfect meal, perfect table setting and perfect centerpiece. Thus, my complete and utter neurotic behavior during the season. Also, spending habits during this time of year- not so good. All to ease that hole created during this season.

Part of that picture is a generational presence that is no longer an option. My grandmother is in another state. My other grandparents have passed away. Les's mom and dad have passed away.

Since I can't control things about Thanksgiving and Christmas I tend to get a little sad. Depressed is more like it Then I feel guilty because I'm not focusing on the real meaning of Christmas. The real meaning of Christmas will forever be associated with family. Which for me is forever broken.